Forums » Off-Topic
Okay, as a stress releaving tool and just for kicks, I've decided to start a thread based entirely on witty and funny remarks to stupid things people do.
To get started, we need a catalyst story if someone has one to get the ball rolling
Note: Please do not edit gramatical errors after inital post, it fuels the power of the thread
To get started, we need a catalyst story if someone has one to get the ball rolling
Note: Please do not edit gramatical errors after inital post, it fuels the power of the thread
I think my spellchecker imploded
"Okay, as a stress ***relieving*** tool and just for kicks, I've decided to start a thread based entirely on witty and funny remarks to stupid things people do.
To get started, we need a catalyst story if someone has one to get the ball rolling
Note: Please do not edit ***grammatical*** errors after ***initial*** post, it fuels the power of the thread"
Man I'm good at this cynicism thing.
"Okay, as a stress ***relieving*** tool and just for kicks, I've decided to start a thread based entirely on witty and funny remarks to stupid things people do.
To get started, we need a catalyst story if someone has one to get the ball rolling
Note: Please do not edit ***grammatical*** errors after ***initial*** post, it fuels the power of the thread"
Man I'm good at this cynicism thing.
<sarcasm>I wonder how long it will take before this thread is locked</sarcasm>
Longer than it'll take for me to insult your creativity for making such a cliche comment.
/me is confoozled by all the big words :|
wow, this proves that the entire community relys on Edit WAYY to much!
i dont
Edit:
Edit is useful if you want to make a post but don't want to double post, such as this!
wow -> Wow
relys -> relies
WAYY -> WAY
to -> too
Edit:
Edit is useful if you want to make a post but don't want to double post, such as this!
wow -> Wow
relys -> relies
WAYY -> WAY
to -> too
If cows could fly, god help my porsche.
Porsche huh? Trying to compensate for something?
You want to know Magus?
ESABATM = Eat S*** And Bark At The Moon...If I've said it to you in-game...I meant it...REALLY!...Uh huh!...Sure thing!...Yup!...Absotively!!!...Posilutely!!!
Unlike you, I don't have to drink to have that kind of fun RelayeR
Indeed ctishman, you have to take harder drugs to get on a trip like that, since you have become immune to such light drugs as nicotine, alcohol and THC.
[disclaimer notice, just to make sure: The above comment does not in any way represent the actual views of the author.]
[disclaimer notice, just to make sure: The above comment does not in any way represent the actual views of the author.]
THC, eh, Tosh? Trust him, Ku, Tosh knows alllll about THC.
[same disclaimer as toshiro's]
[same disclaimer as toshiro's]
hehe,
You know that friend in High School that always wanted to make a bong out of everything? yeah? Finally comes in one day, "Look man, I made a bong outta my HEAD! Put the pot in this ear suck it out this one take a hit!
They say marijuana leads to other drugs, no it leads to fucking carpentry! That's why I quit drugs, not because I didnt like them but because I didn't want to build anything!"
--Dennis Leary
--"Drugs"
--"No Cure For Cancer"
You know that friend in High School that always wanted to make a bong out of everything? yeah? Finally comes in one day, "Look man, I made a bong outta my HEAD! Put the pot in this ear suck it out this one take a hit!
They say marijuana leads to other drugs, no it leads to fucking carpentry! That's why I quit drugs, not because I didnt like them but because I didn't want to build anything!"
--Dennis Leary
--"Drugs"
--"No Cure For Cancer"
Wow that reminded me of like... my previous day in school. o.0
hmm work is worse than school, I work in retail, here is a list of the 5 most annoying questions i've ever been asked over the phone. unfortunately i get asked most of these repeatedly.
(ps i've included my thoughts/the sarastic comments that i'm not allowed to say in parentheses after each question)
5: I know you probably have never heard of it but do you carry <insert obscure item here> ? (for instance I currently work at a hardware store and was recently asked if we had a 14 inch diameter copper elbow for plumbing. what the hell are you making that you need a 14 inch copper elbow?)
4: what time do you close? (sometime between now and the time you arrive)
3: what time do you open in the morning? (i dont mind this one so much, but it usually gets asked by someone at around 8:30am by someone who obviously wasnt expecting the phone to be answered)
2: are you open (no i answered the phone for the hell of it)
and of course, in response to any answer i give over the phone, the question that really annoys me is.
1: REALLY? (honest to god i get this one all the time. people will ask a question, i answer them, theres a moment of stunned silence, followed by the 1 word query that i hate so much. usually it comes following question #2 after i tell them yes)
on the whole i've come to the conclusion that the american consumer is dumber than the products he buys, even when he's shopping for dirt.
(ps i've included my thoughts/the sarastic comments that i'm not allowed to say in parentheses after each question)
5: I know you probably have never heard of it but do you carry <insert obscure item here> ? (for instance I currently work at a hardware store and was recently asked if we had a 14 inch diameter copper elbow for plumbing. what the hell are you making that you need a 14 inch copper elbow?)
4: what time do you close? (sometime between now and the time you arrive)
3: what time do you open in the morning? (i dont mind this one so much, but it usually gets asked by someone at around 8:30am by someone who obviously wasnt expecting the phone to be answered)
2: are you open (no i answered the phone for the hell of it)
and of course, in response to any answer i give over the phone, the question that really annoys me is.
1: REALLY? (honest to god i get this one all the time. people will ask a question, i answer them, theres a moment of stunned silence, followed by the 1 word query that i hate so much. usually it comes following question #2 after i tell them yes)
on the whole i've come to the conclusion that the american consumer is dumber than the products he buys, even when he's shopping for dirt.
Check this out.
www.actsofgord.com
www.actsofgord.com
I could come with a comment about computersystems, students, teachers, 5 months of deployment and wondering what teachers do that makes them ont realize its completely borked in that time..
but I wont.
but I wont.
The Truth Of The Workplace:
The lowest managerial prioirty is customer service, the highest is persecuting the workers
The only person who can get 3 days off in a week is the General Manager
Being promoted to Supervisor is actually a demotion because you just sold your soul.
The arrogance level of any given member of management is inversely proportional to their IQ
Managers will never step in during a worker strike to run the plant. Hell they cant run it WITH us so how can they run it without us?
Don't EVER get caought reading on the job. They want to keep us as dumb as they are.
All members of management suffer selective memory, they only remember Union contracts when it benefits them.
The amount of favoritism you recieve is directly proportional to the amount of butt you kiss.
Whenever management posts thanks, workers will be treated like crap again in 2 minutes
The chance's that an employees idea will ever be implemented are inversely proportional to it's actual good.
A new supervisor is automatically smarter than the employees that have worked there for years
As soon as the supervisor->manager change occurs, an IQ drop of 50 pts occurs as well.
If a manager discovers a worker is intelligent, more work will be forced upon that worker
Succeeding at work is merely managing to rise above everyone else's incompetance
The more a worker gets yelled at by management the more that worker can take comfort is the fact they are right
incompetence perpetuates itself
If a rule does not exist to bolster a manager's arguement they will make one on the spot.
Whenever a new rule is implemented, workers must be given as little or no warning prior to being caught
Whenever management comes out with a so-called policy, it is merely an attempt to circumvent a Union contract they don't like
Managerial incompetence flows from the top on down.
The lowest managerial prioirty is customer service, the highest is persecuting the workers
The only person who can get 3 days off in a week is the General Manager
Being promoted to Supervisor is actually a demotion because you just sold your soul.
The arrogance level of any given member of management is inversely proportional to their IQ
Managers will never step in during a worker strike to run the plant. Hell they cant run it WITH us so how can they run it without us?
Don't EVER get caought reading on the job. They want to keep us as dumb as they are.
All members of management suffer selective memory, they only remember Union contracts when it benefits them.
The amount of favoritism you recieve is directly proportional to the amount of butt you kiss.
Whenever management posts thanks, workers will be treated like crap again in 2 minutes
The chance's that an employees idea will ever be implemented are inversely proportional to it's actual good.
A new supervisor is automatically smarter than the employees that have worked there for years
As soon as the supervisor->manager change occurs, an IQ drop of 50 pts occurs as well.
If a manager discovers a worker is intelligent, more work will be forced upon that worker
Succeeding at work is merely managing to rise above everyone else's incompetance
The more a worker gets yelled at by management the more that worker can take comfort is the fact they are right
incompetence perpetuates itself
If a rule does not exist to bolster a manager's arguement they will make one on the spot.
Whenever a new rule is implemented, workers must be given as little or no warning prior to being caught
Whenever management comes out with a so-called policy, it is merely an attempt to circumvent a Union contract they don't like
Managerial incompetence flows from the top on down.