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Here, for everybody who hates their coworkers:
23 Ways to Drive Your Co-Works Insane
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
3) Insist that your e-mail address be Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or Elvis-the-king@companyname.com.
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN.'
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors"
10) Reply to everything someone says with "That's what you think."
11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13) Don’t use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are, laugh hysterically when they answer.
16) Specify that your drive through order is "to go."
17) Sing along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle, play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
23) Put masking tape on the floor of your office in the shape of a corpse. If anyone asks, "He was the last guy to ask me for something!"
23 Ways to Drive Your Co-Works Insane
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
3) Insist that your e-mail address be Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or Elvis-the-king@companyname.com.
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN.'
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors"
10) Reply to everything someone says with "That's what you think."
11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13) Don’t use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are, laugh hysterically when they answer.
16) Specify that your drive through order is "to go."
17) Sing along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle, play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
23) Put masking tape on the floor of your office in the shape of a corpse. If anyone asks, "He was the last guy to ask me for something!"
you are low on cynism. I hereby prescribe six months of computer helpdesk work in a combined junior high / high school.
I'll see your 6 months in a junior high/high school and raise you 11 months at a major corporation launching a brand new call center.