Subject: The new kitten..

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks
I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I
would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could
think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The
accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
to adopt a cute little kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I
was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call
out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks
me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only
take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and
stuck my head under the sink to find the button.

It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without
warning, & without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the

hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our
new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied
hanging between my legs.

She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached
under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most
vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged
them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a
kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.
Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know
this from experience.

I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet
bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out
cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself
lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of
"been-here, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully
briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they
tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their
hysterical laughter......... and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation
out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too
painful to talk about. Which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked,
"Cat got your tongue?"...............

If they only knew...

I'm feeling pain and it didn't even happen to me.

ROFL.. for the love of god.. submit that to the ubersite
http://www.ubersite.com/

Im in pain as well, god, YOW! that, uhhh, YeOW!

/me is speechless and cant type through the pain he can imagine


I say submit it!

/me submits it

EDIT: GAH!!! STUPID SCHOOL COMPUTERS BLOCKING THE STUPID SITE!!!!

i will have to do it when i get home

-io

good thing they block it. that site is definently pro-free speech. I dont think they even moderate any of that stuff

i havent been on the pc much lately... been busy with 2 vs 2 or 4 vs 4 Halo wars on the Xbox. besides that my internet has been really unstable for me so im gonna ask that someone post it there for me.

There's a reason I don't walk naked around my 3-year-old cat... she's a menace when she sees hanging objects... -.-*

ouch

*shudders* im glad that the only animal in this household is my sister's retarded dog (the dog runs into the glass door repeatedly in the same instance, so dont yell at me for calling the dog that). the thought of something doing that to me scares the living $h!t out a me.

LMAO!!!

Moral of the story. . . .

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play
together.... One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a
bog and began to sink.... Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for
the chicken to go get the farmer for help!... Off the chicken ran, back
to the farm.... Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the
farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley..... Finding
the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope
hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the
horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny
Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken
tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the
farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid
of the powe rful bike, rescued the horse!... Happy and proud, the
chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse and the farmer was none
the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was
cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.... A few weeks later, the chicken
fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to
the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and
straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to
grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit....
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving
his life.
The moral of the story?... (Yes, there's a moral!)
....
"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up
Chicks!"

o.O

O.o
meow

dont ask me... im not the creator of that one... i just posted it... kinda funny to me...