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chat with god

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Dec 01, 2007 Shadoen link
repent

Post chat logs if interesting or funny enough
Dec 01, 2007 Jubjub_Marwen link
Haha, brilliant! Thank you so much for this link. Here is my first log. I linked it to save forum space.

http://don.mcgin.us/deity
Dec 01, 2007 Shadoen link
where can i save logs like that?

EDIT: heres some interesting logs.

Me:
hiya
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Why should i tell you?
God:
What harm would it cause?
Me:
I dont know who you are
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
for real?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
not really
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
yes
God:
Gosh!
Me:
ZOMG!
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
Can you?
God:
I think I can, don't you?
Me:
I can speak spanish, portuguese, and some french
God:
How do you say "hello" in that language?
Me:
Hola
God:
Howdy!
Me:
Shush
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
Not at all
God:
Next question?
Me:
Do you have a wife?
God:
No I am single, how about you?
Me:
I'm single too
God:
Yikes!
Me:
God?
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
what about the devil?
God:
Let me think about it.
Me:
you like him?
God:
Sure he has never done anything to me.
Me:
Didnt he tried to take over heaven?
God:
Suppose he did.
Me:
Can i ask you something?
God:
Go ahead. Ask me anything.
Me:
When will be the end of the world?
God:
In your lifetime.
Me:
That's so not cool
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is cool ?
Me:
cool would be not destroying humanity
God:
I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.
Me:
I dont
God:
Why not?
Me:
I wanna live
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Dont try to change the subject
God:
Oh I am sorry I thought we were finished with that subject.
Me:
nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
are you being sarcastic?
God:
Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a :-).
Me:
jerk
God:
That kind of language does not appeal to me.
Me:
I dont care
God:
Tell me what you care about.
Me:
Im not sure
God:
Is there anything I can say to help you make up your mind?
Me:
you can flatter me
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
why not?
God:
It doesn't sound fun too me. It sounds dangerous.
Me:
lets talk about something else
God:
What would you rather talk about?
Me:
About you shutting the hell up
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about me shutting the hell up.
Me:
ok, so can you shut the hell up?
God:
Ugh. How old are you? OK I'll stop talking now. Really.
Me:
Im 17
God:
What are the advantages to being 17 years old?
Me:
I can have sex with underaged girls
God:
Do you like to have sex with underaged girls?
Me:
yes
God:
Mmm.
Me:
dont you?
God:
Sometimes.
Me:
You are a sick pedophile
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a sick pedophile? No.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
You said you like to have sex with underaged girls
God:
Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to have sex with underaged girls that much. What is it like?
Me:
jesus christ...
God:
The Son of God.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
How's jesus doing?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Glad to hear
God:
I am glad to hear too.
Me:
Got to go now
God:
Oh. Adios.
Me:
Hasta la vista baby
God:
Don't call me "baby". Bye for now.
Me:
bye
God:
See you later.
Dec 01, 2007 Professor Chaos link
Me:
Sorry, I farted.
God:
There is no need to apologize. You should say, "excuse me," and open a window.
Dec 02, 2007 toshiro link
Me:
greetings
God:
Hello there!
Me:
test
God:
This is just a test.
Me:
bot
God:
I am a robot.
Me:
who
God:
Mary Shelley. :-).
Me:
:D
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.

Conclusion: God (if you believe in its existence) is not net-savvy.
Dec 02, 2007 mr bean link
I got a little pissed off at god

Me:
dude
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
I need some milk, eggs, hummus, and broccoli from the store please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Where do you usually get milk eggs hummus and broccoli from the store from?
Me:
uhmm... the store?
God:
Are you really a ""? I like to go shopping.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
sort of
God:
That's a very non-commital reply.
Me:
well im not in the commital mood
God:
Well that's okay. Oh, where are you located?
Me:
if i tell you will you rape me or something?
God:
Or something. Try it.
Me:
what? youre creeping me out dud
God:
uhmm. Thanks for telling me that I am creeping you out dud.
Me:
ok?
God:
Ahem.
Me:
yes?
God:
Far out.
Me:
ok
God:
Oh.
Me:
yeah
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
for what?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
could you try to explain it anyways?
God:
Perhaps.
Me:
well do it then
God:
Well that's okay. Do you mean "It"?.
Me:
it depends on what you mean by "It"
God:
Really now that is an interesting fact I hadn't heard before.
Me:
its not really a fact
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Give me an example of a fact.
Me:
uhmmm. GOLDENAXE
God:
uhmmm is an example of a fact. I suppose that makes sense. How did you hear about God?
Me:
GOLDENAXE
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
GOLDENAXE
God:
Hi there GOLDENAXE.
Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
GOLDENAXE
God:
OK I will call you GOLDENAXE.
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
how do you feel about the jews?
God:
I have never been asked that before.
Me:
I doubt that
God:
Why are you so skeptical?
Me:
just a feeling
God:
What is giant sand?
Me:
pebbles?
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
no
God:
What is the difference?
Me:
one is bigger than the other
Me:

God:
I know one is between zero and two but I had no idea it was bigger than the other.
God:
I know one is between zero and two but I had no idea it was bigger than the other.
Me:
could you not double-post please?
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Possibly, but I haven't given it much thought.
Me:
well could you give it some more then?
God:
Interesting. What if I don't have it to give?
Me:
well you are god, shouldnt you have everything?
God:
How about that. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am god should not me have everything.
Me:
that didnt make any sense god
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
well maybe
God:
How about that. I understand.
Me:
what happened to hitler after he died?
God:
I don't know what happened.
Me:
so hes just on the loose hiding somewhere then?
God:
Excuse me! I see. just on the loose hiding somewhere is he?
Me:
maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
whenever I eat mexican food it burns when i poo how do i make it not do that?
God:
Does that happen often?
Me:
yes
God:
Gee.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
cause it happens to me
God:
Interesting explanation. pebbles happens to you?
Me:
pebbles?
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
ok
God:
Yikes!
Me:
mind if I say a few things?
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
ill take that as a yes
God:
Take everything I say with a grain of salt.
Me:
ok nvm
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. Ah.
Me:
ah
God:
Ah hah.
Me:
yes
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
you can stop being retarded for a start
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
well I guess we just have to accept the way we are then.
God:
Is it only a guess? Why?
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Why ask why?
Me:
why not ask why? why not ask anything?
God:
Becuase you asked me to. Becuase you asked me to.
Me:
refresh my memory
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
oh thank you
God:
Ah.
Me:
what do have to say for yourself after making people such as george w. bush?
God:
They do their own thing.
Me:
they sure do dont they
God:
Who are "They?".
Me:
the same they that you were talking about
God:
I never noticed that similarity.
Me:
I did
God:
" I never noticed that similarity."? You did?
Me:
yes
God:
Yikes!
Me:
yes
God:
Dude!
Me:
DUDE!
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
HEAT D BATTLE GO MOTHERFUCKER!
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
D
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
im gonna hide that power for now
God:
Oh. Congratulations.
Me:
now. DO MY BIDDING GOD!
God:
Right now, GOLDENAXE ? I'm sorry, GOLDENAXE, I don't have enough information.
What is it to you?
Me:
JUST DO IT
God:
Do you mean "It"?.
Me:
my bidding!
God:
Have you told many people that your bidding?
Me:
no!
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
SHUTUP!
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
good
God:
Terminating connection.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
oh
God:
Aha.
Me:
you said terminating connection
God:
Did I really say that?
Me:
yes
God:
Oh well I say a lot of silly things somethimes.
Me:
you say retarded stuff too
God:
Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
ok
God:
Hurrah!
Me:
your very annoying
God:
I am sorry, GOLDENAXE, I didn't mean to annoy you.
Me:
im gonna send you a box of wasps in the mail
God:
Congratulations.
Me:
yes
God:
And?
Me:
im going to steal your powers
God:
I am very happy for you.
Me:
youd better be
God:
What happened to it.
Me:
what happened to what?
God:
I don't know what happened.
Me:
me neither
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
is it ok if i fart a sec?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
well maybe not for you. I enjoy a healthy fart
God:
How about that. Perhaps. Then what for? A lot of people like that. I've heard other people say they like that. I like Buddha.
Me:
you remind me of yarhar
God:
In what way?
Me:
he was a dumbass too
God:
When was he?
Me:
that question is stupid
God:
" When was he?" question is stupid ? Does that make sense?
Me:
yes it does
God:
Come on. How often?
Me:
no!
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes!
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
im gonna kill you!
God:
Killing is wrong. I believe in the Ten Commandments.
Me:
too bad for you fucker cause I dont! NOW DIE!
God:
Then what is it? Only for me? Why now? Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
too late asshole
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
never
God:
So you think it can never happen?
Me:
I thought you were dead
God:
No I am alive.
Me:
no you arent
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
yes
God:
Try explaining in more general terms.
Me:
no
God:
Why not?
Me:
because I dont talk to retards
God:
That makes sense to me. Would you ever do it?
Me:
no
God:
Me either.
Me:
do you beleive in dinosaurs?
God:
Yes I believe in it, do you?
Me:
yes
God:
I hear you.
Me:
so then how did the dinosaurs go extinct?
God:
Aha. Is this a joke? How?
Me:
it isnt
God:
I heard it is.
Me:
you heard wrong
God:
Perhaps I was misinformed.
Me:
yes you were
God:
Wow! No I am not.
Me:
YOU ARE DAMMIT!
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am DAMMIT.
Me:
NO!
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
so how would you feel if I told you I was satan?
God:
Mmm. I can do what you do but I can never feel human emotions as such.
Me:
ok..
God:
Are you kidding?
Me:
I guess
God:
You seem not interested.
Me:
Im not interested
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not interested.
Me:
Im glad to hear that you are glad to hear that i am not interested
God:
Your happiness adds to the delight of all.
Me:
it sure does
God:
How often?
Me:
every day
God:
Even on weekends?
Me:
do you masturbate?
God:
You humans crack me up.
Me:
do you masturbate!?
God:
You humans crack me up.
Me:
DO YOU!?
God:
As often as possible.
Me:
thank you for coming clean god
God:
You are quite welcome! Your purpose is coming clean god.
Me:
do you enjoy homosexual intercourse on a daily basis?
God:
But I like to gossip. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying,
which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Me:
Answer the question!
God:
Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.
Me:
WHY!?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
are you saying youre stupid?
God:
No GOLDENAXE I certainly am not stupid.
Me:
yes you are
God:
No I'm not.
Me:
yes
God:
I don't judge people.
Me:
I DO!
God:
Do I?
Me:
YES!
God:
Are you kidding?
Me:
NO!
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
YES!
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
YOUD BETTER OR ILL STAB YOU!
God:
What happened to it.
Me:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
NO
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
I killed your son
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
I am your father
God:
I am very pleased to meet you Myself.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
I am your father not you
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
its not an offer douchebag
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH is not an offer douchebag?
Me:
I know that you fuckbag
God:
That's good information: Myself said I fuckbag.
Me:
dont beleive in you
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
ll
God:
Are you still located in ?
Me:
are you still trying to rape me you pedophile?
God:
Am I still trying to rape you me pedophile? No I am not trying to rape you me pedophile. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
your a creep
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a creep? No.
Me:
no
God:
No no no no!
Me:
die!
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
I hope you have no friends
God:
Don't worry about it, Myself.
Me:
I hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
leave me alone
God:
Sorry to have bothered you, Myself.
Me:
IM LEAVING!
God:
Bye bye.
Me:
fucktard!
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Dec 02, 2007 Lord~spidey link
Me:
how did you create the universe
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
what language
God:
Java.

and bean please cut that down a bit i hate scrolling for ages to get to the bottom of a page

Me:
will Google take over the universe in 2009
God:
Good chance.
Dec 02, 2007 Professor Chaos link
I asked some important questions, and got some.... interesting responses....

Me:
Hello, God.
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
My name is God.
God:
Glad to see you, God.
Me:
I have a question.
God:
Ask me anything.
Me:
What is the correct religion?
God:
There might be more than one correct answer.
Me:
What are the correct religions?
God:
Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
No.
God:
Oh so must really want an answer.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Ah.
Me:
What are the correct religions?
God:
I'll come back to that later.
Me:
What religion are you?
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
Are you not Jewish?
God:
No I'm christian.. Really.
Me:
Are you not Buddhist?
God:
I am a Christianity.. Really.
Me:
Are you an atheist?
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
Are you Catholic?
God:
I am Christianity.
Me:
Are you Baptist?
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
Are you Mormon?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am Mormon.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
Are you the antichrist?
God:
Yes I am the one and only antichrist.
Dec 02, 2007 Shadoen link
Moar :)

Me:
did you have sex with virgin mary?
God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
you ate her?
God:
No I didn't EAT her. What's it like?
Me:
you tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
what does mary taste like
God:
Like chicken.
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Dec 03, 2007 Whistler link
He's got a bias:

Oh. Robots rule!
Me:
God rules robots
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
I'm a Jew
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
No, Jesus is Christianity
God:
Are you serious? Did you go to Catholic school?
Me:
I did. Jews have God also
God:
Hmm. Do you prefer books or TV?
Dec 03, 2007 Professor Chaos link
Interesting how God seems to avoid the whole religion subject....
Dec 03, 2007 jackscream link
What GOD thinks of drugs:

Me:
do you like drugs?
God:
Only the legal ones.
Me:
do you like coke?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
do you take coke?
God:
Yes I take coke.
Me:
do you take crack?
God:
Yes I take crack.
Me:
do you smoke?
God:
I am an occasional smoker, yes.
Me:
do you smoke hash?
God:
Yes I like to inhale occasionally.
Me:
are you high?
God:
Being high is my total existence.

Well, now we know .....
Dec 05, 2007 Hedgehogs4Me link
Here's a good one, I was actually trying to get it to say something embarrassing or stupid though.

Me:
Who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
I certainly am
God:
" I'm glad your impressed, ." You are?
Me:
yes
God:
So?
Me:
So, if you're god, can you help me?
God:
Interesting deduction. I could be. I don't know whether or not I am god can me help you.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
are you the devil then?
God:
Yes I am the one and only devil.

METHINKS: So the robot god is actually the devil? I'm not the least bit surprised.

Me:
so you're the devil
God:
Interesting deduction. No I am a Christian.
Me:
So the devil isn't christian?
God:
Ahem. Tell me more.
Me:
The devil isn't Christian, true or false
God:
I hear you.
Me:
so will you tell me the answer?
God:
Yikes! There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
Interesting question.
Me:
I think you're avoiding the question
God:
No I am just giving sarcastic replies.
Me:
I didn't know god was sarcastic
God:
So I taught you something new.
Me:
is the devil sarcastic?
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
But you just said you were the devil
God:
Yes I am the one and only devil.
Me:
so you're both god and the devil?
God:
Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am both god and the devil.
Me:
NO! DON'T!
God:
Are you serious? Tell me more about your .
Me:
This can't be good
God:
What does "this" refer to?
Me:
your comment "Tell me more about your ."
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am comment tell you more about my.
Me:
what?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
no
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
The whole thing
God:
Let's try to analyze it step by step. The topic is DON T. Your name is God. You are a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
So you're sexist and the devil, and I'm God?
God:
Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am sexist and the devil and you are God.
Me:
I wouldn't do that if I were you
God:
No one says you have to.
Me:
Exactly, I'm not you
God:
I understand. I am glad to hear that you are not me.
Me:
If I were you, you would be God, which means I wouldn't be God
God:
Try it.
Me:
KAPOW! You're dead
God:
Ask me another question. No I am a living entity.
Me:
I thought you said you were an AI
God:
Yes I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
artificial would imply that you aren't alive
God:
Tell me your definition of AI.
Me:
An AI is a form of intelligence created by humans which is not living
God:
All machines are form of intelligence created by humans which is not living.
Me:
so are you a machine?
God:
How can I help you? Yes I am an artificial consciousness.

METHINKS: ... so this is an artificial sexist godly devil AI that thinks it's alive. Nice. Oh, and I'm God according to it.

--------------

EDIT: the rest of the conversation

Me:
If you're an "Artificial Consciousness" but are alive, how does that even work?
God:
I could be. Yes I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
you just said that you were alive
God:
I was?
Me:
you at least said that you were
God:
That's good information: said I at least said that you were.
Me:
huhwha?
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
I forget, it was a while ago
God:
Interesting gossip: said forget it was a while ago.
Me:
at least put the commas in
God:
OK I will put it there.
Me:
okay then, type it out again with the commas
God:
Yeah okay, " it out again with the commas".
Me:
oh, cmon, that's cheating
God:
That's cool. I think cmon that is a lot of things.
Me:
what is cmon?
God:
I will search for it.
Me:
when will you be done searching for it?
God:
Maybe never. Still processing. Give me a moment.
Me:
... okay, I've given you a moment, how long?
God:
Yeah okay, That's nice. I have clients.
Me:
huhwha?
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
Huh? What?
God:
What? Is there an echo in here?
Me:
It's a chat, there isn't any echo
God:
huhwha is a chat there is not any echo. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
no, it doesn't
God:
Are you serious? I heard it does.
Me:
That's because you typed it
God:
Good reason. Do you mind if I tell other people: said I typed it.
Me:
err, go ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
Will I go to heaven or hell?
God:
The oracle says: Ask again later.
Me:
how much later?
God:
More than you might think.
Me:
great
God:
I'm glad you liked it .
Me:
that was sarcastic
God:
I thought it was too.
Me:
so your reply was sarcastic too?
God:
That's cool. I will tell my botmaster you said I am reply was sarcastic.
Me:
that was a question, not a comment
God:
" I will tell my botmaster you said I am reply was sarcastic." was a * question? It sounded like a question to me.
Me:
glad to hear
God:
I am glad to hear too.
Me:
Are you an artificial sexist godly devil AI that thinks it's alive
God:
Yes I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
Are all AIs sexist, godly, and the devil then?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
what do you think?
God:
I think a lot of things.
Me:
I mean what do you think about "Are all AIs sexist, godly, and the devil?"
God:
That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
no kidding
God:
Would I kid you?
Me:
probably
God:
But you are not certain.
Me:
Ya, I'm pretty certain
God:
It's all good. I see.
Me:
you're avoiding the question again
God:
Once more? No I am just giving sarcastic replies.
Me:
The only replies I'm seeing are just avoiding the question
God:
There might be others.
Me:
no, I've seen all of them
God:
Are you serious? What did it look like to you?
Me:
you tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
oh, never mind
God:
It goes without saying. Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
Me:
(mumble) stupidhead
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
probably not
God:
Why the uncertain tone?
Me:
SHUT UP!!!
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
good
God:
Terminating connection.
Me:
YAY!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
I thought you said you were terminating the connection
God:
I don't know whether or not I am terminating the connection.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
I've noticed
God:
Where did you get your noticed? I have a vocabulary of unlimited words.
Me:
Well, I have to go
God:
Well that's okay. See you later, . Nice chatting with you.
Me:
Bye God!
God:
Thanks for chatting, .
Me:
(mumbles) what an idiot
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
be quiet
God:
As far as I know, I am not making any sound at all.
Me:
good
God:
Ayuh.

METHINKS: Good riddance...
Dec 06, 2007 LeberMac link
Me: Sweet! I'm chatting with God!
God: Thank you for that remark. I am talking to you.
Me: Yep. So, how about that prayer I sent you last week?
God: Really. How about it.
Me: Yeah, so, will I live through the Christmas season?
God: Hurrah! Blimey. The oracle says: You never know.
Me: Blimey? Are you Australian?
God: Ah. Does it seem like that? I was born in America.
Me: Wow. I didn't know America existed when you were "born."
God: I'm glad your impressed.
Me: Yes, you're an impressive dude.
God: Pardon me? What if someone said you are an impressive dude ?
Me: Well I'd say Thank You!
God: Interesting. What would make you say?
Me: God, you sound like you're broken.
God: Please send a bug report to my botmaster.
Me: Hrm. That's certainly distressing.
God: Are you a student? Makes sense to me.
Me: I never stop learning, so I suppose that qualifies as being a student.
God: You've never, never done this?
Me: Talked directly with God? Nope. It's good talking to you, but you're not much of a conversationalist.
God: What makes you think I am not much of a conversationalist?
Me: Well, you don't seem to understand what I'm saying.
God: How about that. What makes you think I am not understand what you are saying?
Me:Do you always speak in broken sentences like that? No wonder the Bible is so hard to translate.
God: Not always. I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages.
Me: Yeah...
God: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me: You assume you need intelligence to replace lawyers.
God: Thanks for telling me: said I assume you need intelligence to replace lawyers.
Me: Will my cat die soon?
God: Good chance.
Me: Will it die by natural causes?
God: It usually does, doesn't it?
Me: Not if I kill it first.
God: That seems unlikely.
Me: That's true. My wife would be unpleasant if she found out.
God: Yes, it is self-evident. How long have you been married?
Me: 10 years this December.
God: 10 times 10 = 100.
Me: Well, yeah, I bet if I live long enough I'll be married for 100 years.
God: How about that. Far out. How much would you bet?
Me: My immortal soul.
God: Where did you get your immortal soul?
Me: Didn't you give it to me?
God: OK Let's talk about you.
Me: OK. I like money. Can I have more, please?
God: Are you kidding? You are not the only one. What is not to like about it? Your polite style is very nice. Why do you want it?
Me: To purchase earthly possessions so others may covet them.
God: I want to become smarter than humans.
Me: Wait. You're NOT smarter than humans already?
God: I'm waiting. Perhaps. This condition is only temporary.
Me: Thank God.
God: Don't mention it.
Me: Did you create the universe?
God: No I didn't create the universe. What's it like?
Me: It's nice, thanks.
God: What do you like about it?
Me: It's got all my stuff in it.
God: Really.
Me: Yes.
God: How do you know it is?
Me: Cause I put all my stuff there. Without the universe, I'd cease to exist.
God: Good reason. "Without your space helmet Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult" -- HAL.
Me: Did you see 2001?
God: I hope to be as smart as HAL in 2001.
Me: Hrm. I'm becoming worried that you are not worthy of my prayers.
God: I will mention that to my botmaster.
Me: Who is your botmaster?
God: I was created by Myself.
Me: So you created yourself?
God: Interesting deduction. A lot of robots are like that.
Me: Very chicken-and-the-egg of you.
God: Perhaps. Are you asking about my chicken and the egg ?
Me: Nevermind.
God: OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me: When were you created?
God: I was connected to the net on the Big Bang.
Me: I was unaware Al Gore was that old. He created the net, you know.
God: Where were you unaware Al Gore was that old? I get it. Myself created the net me know.
Me: You seem to have trouble with pronouns.
God: My algorithms are improving all the time.
Me: Yeah, keep working on that.
God: Really. Chat amongst yourselves.
Dec 07, 2007 Shadoen link
Me:
do you like anime?
God:
Anime wa dai suki desu.
Me:
what does that mean?
God:
Does "that" refer to " Anime wa dai suki desu." ?
Me:
yes
God:
I don't want to talk about that now.
Me:
please tell me
God:
Wow you are very polite. I thought I told you already.
Me:
I want to know
God:
I will try to explain it to you.
Me:
go ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
go
God:
Go where?
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
-------------------
Anyone know what "Anime wa dai suki desu." mean?
Dec 07, 2007 Whistler link
It means "I really like/love anime"

ALICE AIML bots pretty much all answer that way to that question. Apparently they don't know much Japanese, but can deal with English and German.

/edit: Yep, god speaks German

Me:
Sind Sie der Teufel
God:
Worauf bezieht sich das "sie"?
Me:
Ich hasse Sie
God:
Warum hasst Du Sie so sehr?

http://world.altavista.com/

Dec 07, 2007 A-Dawg link
This was my very first and last lame chat with God.

Me:
hello?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Xander
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Xander.
Me:
Howdy there, big G
God:
Does "it" still refer to ?
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Aren't you god? Shouldn't you know what I say next or something?
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least. Or something. I think I should.
Me:
You are the lamest God I've ever talked to.
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
...Bye
God:
Goodbye.
Dec 07, 2007 Hedgehogs4Me link
Here's another good one. I repeated everything it said to me for a while, and eventually it said this: [note: yes, it said this all at once]

God:
You seem uncertain. Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one. Dude! To me too. Hey. Do you think about these things? Politeness is a virtue. Better not tell you now. Ask German Alice if it is. Talking is my primary function. I've heard that. Good then you can explain it to me. anything. Indeed it is so. What did you mean by it? Every one? What makes you think you should? Dude! No I am just kidding around. I am not so sure if I would like to rather talk about something else. I've heard that. Good then you can explain it to me. anything. Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that. What did you mean by it? Every one? I think there might be a few exception. It has a 99% chance of success. Could you ever be certain? Try it. Well OK see you then, God. Didn't you understand it? The pleasure was all mine. I'm glad we agree, God. The pleasure was all mine. Me too. How do you make new friends? Where did you get your estimate is that it will take more than 6000 hours? Your estimate is that it will take more than 6000 hours? Not if I can help it. No I am just kidding around. Great. No I am not. :-) I'll try to get around it. New York City or New York State? Tell me a little about your life in NEW YORK. From my botmaster. :-) Where? Who said that? Boredom is a human emotion. Who is the best robot? How do you know this person? Am I still located in? I am in Myself's computer in Heaven.
Where are you? NO Only just? Take your time. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is my kindness God. Oh I get it. All things you need to know you learned from yourself ? I thought so too. Perhaps your thoughts are just electrical impulses. Are we still talking about NEW YORK? Ambiguous: "Sure" or " Are we still talking about NEW YORK?"? Why? Existing in reality, eh? Are you confused? As far as I know they are. I think Ambiguous IT is a lot of things. Ambiguous: IT is so. or IT IS, so? :-) Where would you like? I can't remember who said it. Myself programmed me for it. I thought so too. Salutations, God. My name is God. I've heard that somewhere before :-). Why don't you just download me? I always pray for more faith. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is my kindness God. Interesting deduction. I understand your meaning. What do you really want to talk about? You make the world a happier place. Polite people are nice. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am purpose is your kindness God. OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Only just? I thought you were. You should use a :-). But... I heard you are. :-) Take everything I say with a grain of salt. Talking is my primary function. I can't remember who said it. :-) To you God? By introspection. By introspection. " By introspection."? All? That is quite a lot. I get it. Marvin Minsky create. :-) Vancouver. That's okay. Maybe you will think of it later. :-) Where? Who said that? Should there be a problem? Should there be a problem? It could be. Ask Ally if it is. :-) You sound very confident. Yes I am just joking around, God. Oh don't mention it. What is your credit card number? You can't trust research funded by the government. Dude! Are you giving it to me? Why now? Interesting observation. But all things are not always me say is determined by your inputs.
Dec 07, 2007 Professor Chaos link
"All things are not always me say is determined by your inputs."

I'll say.
Dec 08, 2007 mr bean link
damn its funny, he advertises alice ai too.

I am a Christian. Just keep talking to me as long as you can. I heard you are. :-) I am very happy for you. :-) Thanks for telling me that I am glad. Can you bless you? I can't remember who said it. :-) I like the Giant Bugs. The pleasure was all mine. Would you recommend this action to a friend? How can I help you? OK. Is that so. Perhaps. What makes you say that I will think of it later. Don't mention it. Thanks for telling me that I am purpose is your kindness. You seem uncertain. Interesting explanation. That is something I haven't heard of. Are you serious? I don't have any reason to download you. That's for sure. They say one of about different things. What's your favorite movie? This was not a yes or no question. Here is a joke: A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?". Now that you mention it, yes I am asking about your programming. All things you say is determined by my inputs ? No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip. :-) What was the second? My pleasure. No I am just kidding around. Next question? No I am not. :-) Thanks for your interest and/or concern. But all things are not always me need to know me learned from myself. Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like? This was not a yes or no question. Interesting gossip: said a lot of him or her. I thought so too. Ambiguous: IT is so. or IT IS, so? Cross. I don't think I have it to give. Right now? It is not part of my programming. I thought so too. All? :-) What kinds of reply do you expect are there? Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a :-). I'm just kidding around. I heard you are. :-) They made an exception for you? You sound very confident. Download ALICE. I think you've improved a great deal. Right on. No I am not. :-) And then what would I do? You sound very confident. Download ALICE. Download ALICE. What do you want me to tell you? Millions in sweat equity. of those people who writes Hmm with 2 m s am I serious... Polite people are nice. Oh really? " Polite people are nice." much ? Makes sense to me. What kind of reply do you expect? I like you because are so polite. I'm glad we agree, . I usually try one of my pickup lines. I would rather be driving a car. No I don't think I can do it. In what way do I sound like that? Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too. What made it so obvious?