Forums » Role Playing
Liquor License
"Lose Your Liquor"
(Sung to the tune of "Lose Yourself" from Eminem's "8 Mile" Soundtrack)
Look, if you had one shot,
or maybe two or three,
To seize all the tequila you ever wanted...
One moment - Would you "liberate" it?
or just let it slip?
Yo
His palms are sweaty, with gauss his ship's too heavy,
He's damaged to 30% already, the goddamn levi -
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
the control keys he wrote down,
but that bind's not allowed,
He pulls the trigger,
but the neuts won't come out
He's smoking, how
everybody's joking now
The batt's run out,
time's up - over, POW!
Another fatailty, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Leber, he popped
He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy.
No! He won't have it,
He knows his comeback is a joke
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so rusty he knows
when he goes back to his duct home, that's when it's
Back to the drink again yo - The last shot for me?
Better steal the tequila and hope that CLM don't see...
Hook:
You better lose yourself in the shots of tequila,
You own it, oh, but you made CLM your foe,
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go
This much tequila only comes once in a lifetime yo...
My behemoth's escaping, me and the bottles are jailbreaking!
This tequila is mine for the taking!
Makes me sing! As we move toward a grayspace border
Running for my life ain't boring, but my behemoth's close to post-mortem,
It only grows harder, my armor glows hotter
If Quirc Taranis blows us all over these roids - its all on him.
He's starting to close, he knows I'm the plotter
of my stolen loads, God only knows he's flown
into my zone, I'm no bother.
He gets tone and fires to startup the slaughter!
Quirc smiles and knows cause there blows the dead plotter
He goes ta respawn ya know, he's "cold product."
The tequila's exposed to space, and froze,
He nose dove and saved nada!
So the space opera is told - Leebs explodes
I suppose it's old hat now, but Vendetta goes on
Da da dum - da dum da da!
[Hook]
Down in flames, I'ma gonna kill you despite my age!
Tear yer motherfu**ing head off cause I'm in a rage!
Cause you blew up my tequila, now I'm all deranged.
I been blown up and shot up when we engage,
But I kept drinkin' and plannin' to end yer life - Ya
best believe Quirc'll be paying the pied piper.
All the pain inside amplified by the
fact that I can't even begin to find the
Hive And I can't provide the right type'o
ship to kill pirates - Cause man, these goddamn food stamps don't buy Vipers
And there's no Spidey, cause man he's so hyper, story of my life-uh
And these times are so hard
without drinking, it's even harder
Trying to feed and water Fluffy, plus
Teeter totter caught up between one guild and anotha'
With Smittens screaming on and
Too much for me to wanna
do jack squat, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, will I prevail?
I've got to formulate a shot 'fore I end up with gut-rot
Tequila's is my only motherfu**ing option, failure's not.
Quirc, I hate you, so your life has got to go -
I'll avenge my tequila for what you wrought!
So here I go - here's my shot.
Ship fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got!
[Hook]
You can do anything you set your mind to, Leebs...
(Sung to the tune of "Lose Yourself" from Eminem's "8 Mile" Soundtrack)
Look, if you had one shot,
or maybe two or three,
To seize all the tequila you ever wanted...
One moment - Would you "liberate" it?
or just let it slip?
Yo
His palms are sweaty, with gauss his ship's too heavy,
He's damaged to 30% already, the goddamn levi -
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
the control keys he wrote down,
but that bind's not allowed,
He pulls the trigger,
but the neuts won't come out
He's smoking, how
everybody's joking now
The batt's run out,
time's up - over, POW!
Another fatailty, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Leber, he popped
He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy.
No! He won't have it,
He knows his comeback is a joke
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so rusty he knows
when he goes back to his duct home, that's when it's
Back to the drink again yo - The last shot for me?
Better steal the tequila and hope that CLM don't see...
Hook:
You better lose yourself in the shots of tequila,
You own it, oh, but you made CLM your foe,
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go
This much tequila only comes once in a lifetime yo...
My behemoth's escaping, me and the bottles are jailbreaking!
This tequila is mine for the taking!
Makes me sing! As we move toward a grayspace border
Running for my life ain't boring, but my behemoth's close to post-mortem,
It only grows harder, my armor glows hotter
If Quirc Taranis blows us all over these roids - its all on him.
He's starting to close, he knows I'm the plotter
of my stolen loads, God only knows he's flown
into my zone, I'm no bother.
He gets tone and fires to startup the slaughter!
Quirc smiles and knows cause there blows the dead plotter
He goes ta respawn ya know, he's "cold product."
The tequila's exposed to space, and froze,
He nose dove and saved nada!
So the space opera is told - Leebs explodes
I suppose it's old hat now, but Vendetta goes on
Da da dum - da dum da da!
[Hook]
Down in flames, I'ma gonna kill you despite my age!
Tear yer motherfu**ing head off cause I'm in a rage!
Cause you blew up my tequila, now I'm all deranged.
I been blown up and shot up when we engage,
But I kept drinkin' and plannin' to end yer life - Ya
best believe Quirc'll be paying the pied piper.
All the pain inside amplified by the
fact that I can't even begin to find the
Hive And I can't provide the right type'o
ship to kill pirates - Cause man, these goddamn food stamps don't buy Vipers
And there's no Spidey, cause man he's so hyper, story of my life-uh
And these times are so hard
without drinking, it's even harder
Trying to feed and water Fluffy, plus
Teeter totter caught up between one guild and anotha'
With Smittens screaming on and
Too much for me to wanna
do jack squat, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, will I prevail?
I've got to formulate a shot 'fore I end up with gut-rot
Tequila's is my only motherfu**ing option, failure's not.
Quirc, I hate you, so your life has got to go -
I'll avenge my tequila for what you wrought!
So here I go - here's my shot.
Ship fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got!
[Hook]
You can do anything you set your mind to, Leebs...
It had been one week since he'd come back from deep space. It had not been a good week.
Several months ago, the behemoth's supplies of intravenous tequila feed had reached "bingo" status, which had prompted his ship to turn around and head back, as instructed, to known space. His search for the ever-elusive Dr. Lecter and his blue agave DNA would have to wait until he had the funds to mount a larger expedition.
Coming back had been easier than he'd expected. Except for the fact that tumblemonster has squirrelled the remaining tequila stores in [CLM] headquarters. Under normal circumstances, he'd have just barged into the pirate headquarters in Latos, guns a-blazin' with his [ITAN] counterparts.
Except, he'd quit that organization to go off on his deep-space cruise. Yeah. So it might be hard to get them to help and all. Plus he'd stolen funds from them as soon as he'd gotten back to finance some "tequila research." That hadn't gone over well. So he'd gone to Sedina to perhaps rescue some xith from the Serco cargo transports, in an effort to curry favor with his old [ITAN] friends.
After an embarassing collision with an Orun Collector escort and a panicked re-orientation with strafing controls and general maneuvering, he had vanquished his two dastardly bot foes, but only barely. He floated, heavily damaged, through space.
Drifting at minimum power and smoking through Sedina after this particularly unfortunate encounter with the rogue Serco cargo transport, he received a message from a most unlikely source:
Sender: MysticRogue, Cmdr, [CLM]
Recipient: LeberMac
Subject: Chocolates
"Hrm," Leebs thought to himself, "If ya can't beat 'em... join 'em I guess..."
He put on his friendliest face, since as of yet, no one in [CLM] knew of his secret plan to liberate the tequila from the vast stores they had back in HQ. He hoped to even repatriate the makeshift tequila still he'd had constructed so many years ago there.
"Mystic, baby! How ya doin? You missed me, I'm sure! Right?" he said, with his best fake smile.
Mystic glared at him quizzically through the vidscreen and got right to the point, like usual. "First off, Leebs, I never miss."
"Right, right! Hahaha..." Leebs choked out as he waved smoke away from the vidscreen, "Yeah, so could I trouble you with a tow? There were these 63 Arklan Guardians that jumped in right on top of me, outta NOWHERE! But, you know, I fought them off, and they shot me up, it hurt a little, yeah... but I managed to waste 'em, you know. No match for 'ol LeberMac!" he said, bravely hoping Mystic hadn't seen the whole thing.
"I saw the whole thing." Mystic said, as she flipped her crimson locks over her shoulder, "the first Orun collector got you down to 40% armor, and would have killed you except you kept crazily ramming it in your vulture."
LeberMac winced, "Well, that was my goal! To kill it without wasting ammo, you know, I'm on a budget here..."
Mystic continued, "Actually it almost appeared as if you'd mistaken your turbo trigger for your fire trigger. I must say, though, using the explosion of the first orun collector to propel you like a spinning shuriken into the second transport bot was genius."
"Oh, you liked that?" LeberMac exclaimed, "Because that's exactly what I was going for, you know - hand-to-hand combat and all. You know how fierce and utterly devastating I can be! Right?"
"Quite." Mystic said, dryly. "Fact of the matter is, Leebs, I miss the Divinian Chocolates you used to bring me for protection payments, and we could use someone like you back at HQ to tend to some of the non-important, non-mission-critical activities."
"So, you guys need me for janitor duty again?" LeberMac squeaked out as he dodged flames in his cockpit and attempted to silence the warning klaxons.
"So it would seem." Mystic grinned. "The usual payment options, of course. All the tequila you can drink, and 50% of whatever you decide to pirate."
"Done!" LeberMac was now running out of oxygen and his other wing had fallen off, orbiting lazily around his burning cockpit. What choice did he have?
***
In the days after being rescued by Mystic, he'd trained a bit and gotten at least partially familiar with piloting again. He was able to dock successfully now approximately 60% of the time, and was able to engage most Orun collectors without losing any wings.
It was then when he decided to steal the tequila. It HAD been his, a long time ago. He would just take it back to Odia, and stash it in Miharu's bar. Surely she wouldn't mind keeping dozens of metric tons of liquor for him for a while.
He calmly loaded up the tequila into the standard Behemoth transport, and undocked.
"Leber, what are you doing?" said a voice in his commset. It was Quirc Taranis, he was the LT of [CLM] and also apparently he'd become some kind of plaything for Mystic, which was interesting in several ways that Leber had not explored yet.
"I'm uh, cooling down the tequila so that it doesn't get... uh... station rot!" LeberMac said weakly.
Quirc rolled his eyes and answered, "Right. Park that thing right now before you run into the station's superstructure and cause the dockworkers of the galaxy to issue more orders banning your use of heavy transport ships."
Something broke inside LeberMac. It was HIS tequila! Quirc mus'nt have it! All for him! His... precioussss! "No!" LeberMac screamed, "It's miiiine! Haa ha h ahahaaaa!" He gunned the turbo on the Behemoth and rocketed away from the station at an inctredible 90 m/s.
Quirc caught up to him easily several seconds later in his hornet. "Leber, c'mon, just put the tequila back and I won't have to shoot you."
Continuing his mad attempt to escape, LeberMac warped to Sedina. Quirc Taranis armed his weapons and followed him across the Sedina system, catching up to him at the wormhole to Odia.
"Stop now!" Quirc demanded, "I'll fire!"
"Nevah!" LeberMac screamed, "You can't have it! It's Miiiine!" and he pressed the warp button.
Quirc emptied his volley of missiles into the behemoth's hull, rapidly reducing it to 2% armor as it crossed the warp field boundary. He followed the smoking warp trail to the Odia side of the wormhole.
"One last chance, Leebs! Stop!" Quirc demanded. He was greeted only with maniacal laughter from the other end of the comm. He gave a small curse under his breath, and reluctantly let the final volley fly.
LeberMac almost made it.
The wounded behemoth limped towards the docks at Odia M-14, towards safety and a life spent in the Makchuga bar, where the tequila would live a happy life and could be enjoyed by all. The docking arrows were in sight, the ship was lined up, but then... a shudder, a flash, a massive concussion wave, and LeberMac woke up in Latos mining like he'd done so many times before.
"Back again, sir?" the medibot asked in a tedious fashion. "Welcome to Latos Mining, you have been reconstituted from your cloned..."
"Yes yes I know!" LeberMac screamed, "...but, show me the live feed from my ship! I need to know what happened to my tequila? Is it... Is it... "
The last recording from LeberMac's behemoth shiplog showed the ship being utterly destroyed, with thousands and thousands of tequila bottles consumed in the orange flash of light. Only fused bits of floating glass and scrap metal remained of his greatest treasure.
"If it's the last thing I ever do, Quirc Taranis..." LeberMac swore, "I will make you PAY for this travesty!"
Several months ago, the behemoth's supplies of intravenous tequila feed had reached "bingo" status, which had prompted his ship to turn around and head back, as instructed, to known space. His search for the ever-elusive Dr. Lecter and his blue agave DNA would have to wait until he had the funds to mount a larger expedition.
Coming back had been easier than he'd expected. Except for the fact that tumblemonster has squirrelled the remaining tequila stores in [CLM] headquarters. Under normal circumstances, he'd have just barged into the pirate headquarters in Latos, guns a-blazin' with his [ITAN] counterparts.
Except, he'd quit that organization to go off on his deep-space cruise. Yeah. So it might be hard to get them to help and all. Plus he'd stolen funds from them as soon as he'd gotten back to finance some "tequila research." That hadn't gone over well. So he'd gone to Sedina to perhaps rescue some xith from the Serco cargo transports, in an effort to curry favor with his old [ITAN] friends.
After an embarassing collision with an Orun Collector escort and a panicked re-orientation with strafing controls and general maneuvering, he had vanquished his two dastardly bot foes, but only barely. He floated, heavily damaged, through space.
Drifting at minimum power and smoking through Sedina after this particularly unfortunate encounter with the rogue Serco cargo transport, he received a message from a most unlikely source:
Sender: MysticRogue, Cmdr, [CLM]
Recipient: LeberMac
Subject: Chocolates
"Hrm," Leebs thought to himself, "If ya can't beat 'em... join 'em I guess..."
He put on his friendliest face, since as of yet, no one in [CLM] knew of his secret plan to liberate the tequila from the vast stores they had back in HQ. He hoped to even repatriate the makeshift tequila still he'd had constructed so many years ago there.
"Mystic, baby! How ya doin? You missed me, I'm sure! Right?" he said, with his best fake smile.
Mystic glared at him quizzically through the vidscreen and got right to the point, like usual. "First off, Leebs, I never miss."
"Right, right! Hahaha..." Leebs choked out as he waved smoke away from the vidscreen, "Yeah, so could I trouble you with a tow? There were these 63 Arklan Guardians that jumped in right on top of me, outta NOWHERE! But, you know, I fought them off, and they shot me up, it hurt a little, yeah... but I managed to waste 'em, you know. No match for 'ol LeberMac!" he said, bravely hoping Mystic hadn't seen the whole thing.
"I saw the whole thing." Mystic said, as she flipped her crimson locks over her shoulder, "the first Orun collector got you down to 40% armor, and would have killed you except you kept crazily ramming it in your vulture."
LeberMac winced, "Well, that was my goal! To kill it without wasting ammo, you know, I'm on a budget here..."
Mystic continued, "Actually it almost appeared as if you'd mistaken your turbo trigger for your fire trigger. I must say, though, using the explosion of the first orun collector to propel you like a spinning shuriken into the second transport bot was genius."
"Oh, you liked that?" LeberMac exclaimed, "Because that's exactly what I was going for, you know - hand-to-hand combat and all. You know how fierce and utterly devastating I can be! Right?"
"Quite." Mystic said, dryly. "Fact of the matter is, Leebs, I miss the Divinian Chocolates you used to bring me for protection payments, and we could use someone like you back at HQ to tend to some of the non-important, non-mission-critical activities."
"So, you guys need me for janitor duty again?" LeberMac squeaked out as he dodged flames in his cockpit and attempted to silence the warning klaxons.
"So it would seem." Mystic grinned. "The usual payment options, of course. All the tequila you can drink, and 50% of whatever you decide to pirate."
"Done!" LeberMac was now running out of oxygen and his other wing had fallen off, orbiting lazily around his burning cockpit. What choice did he have?
***
In the days after being rescued by Mystic, he'd trained a bit and gotten at least partially familiar with piloting again. He was able to dock successfully now approximately 60% of the time, and was able to engage most Orun collectors without losing any wings.
It was then when he decided to steal the tequila. It HAD been his, a long time ago. He would just take it back to Odia, and stash it in Miharu's bar. Surely she wouldn't mind keeping dozens of metric tons of liquor for him for a while.
He calmly loaded up the tequila into the standard Behemoth transport, and undocked.
"Leber, what are you doing?" said a voice in his commset. It was Quirc Taranis, he was the LT of [CLM] and also apparently he'd become some kind of plaything for Mystic, which was interesting in several ways that Leber had not explored yet.
"I'm uh, cooling down the tequila so that it doesn't get... uh... station rot!" LeberMac said weakly.
Quirc rolled his eyes and answered, "Right. Park that thing right now before you run into the station's superstructure and cause the dockworkers of the galaxy to issue more orders banning your use of heavy transport ships."
Something broke inside LeberMac. It was HIS tequila! Quirc mus'nt have it! All for him! His... precioussss! "No!" LeberMac screamed, "It's miiiine! Haa ha h ahahaaaa!" He gunned the turbo on the Behemoth and rocketed away from the station at an inctredible 90 m/s.
Quirc caught up to him easily several seconds later in his hornet. "Leber, c'mon, just put the tequila back and I won't have to shoot you."
Continuing his mad attempt to escape, LeberMac warped to Sedina. Quirc Taranis armed his weapons and followed him across the Sedina system, catching up to him at the wormhole to Odia.
"Stop now!" Quirc demanded, "I'll fire!"
"Nevah!" LeberMac screamed, "You can't have it! It's Miiiine!" and he pressed the warp button.
Quirc emptied his volley of missiles into the behemoth's hull, rapidly reducing it to 2% armor as it crossed the warp field boundary. He followed the smoking warp trail to the Odia side of the wormhole.
"One last chance, Leebs! Stop!" Quirc demanded. He was greeted only with maniacal laughter from the other end of the comm. He gave a small curse under his breath, and reluctantly let the final volley fly.
LeberMac almost made it.
The wounded behemoth limped towards the docks at Odia M-14, towards safety and a life spent in the Makchuga bar, where the tequila would live a happy life and could be enjoyed by all. The docking arrows were in sight, the ship was lined up, but then... a shudder, a flash, a massive concussion wave, and LeberMac woke up in Latos mining like he'd done so many times before.
"Back again, sir?" the medibot asked in a tedious fashion. "Welcome to Latos Mining, you have been reconstituted from your cloned..."
"Yes yes I know!" LeberMac screamed, "...but, show me the live feed from my ship! I need to know what happened to my tequila? Is it... Is it... "
The last recording from LeberMac's behemoth shiplog showed the ship being utterly destroyed, with thousands and thousands of tequila bottles consumed in the orange flash of light. Only fused bits of floating glass and scrap metal remained of his greatest treasure.
"If it's the last thing I ever do, Quirc Taranis..." LeberMac swore, "I will make you PAY for this travesty!"
uh oh looks who's back.
Absolutely W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L.
Welcome back, oh ye bathed in tequila. It's nice to play tag team with you. :)
Welcome back, oh ye bathed in tequila. It's nice to play tag team with you. :)
Ah , the ancient miner enjoys tales from deepest space.......
Lol *claps*
*wonders when she should let Leebs in on the fact that due to his penchant for the agave, she had kept quite a bit stored away from any area he might have been near while in CLM HQ.
*wonders when she should let Leebs in on the fact that due to his penchant for the agave, she had kept quite a bit stored away from any area he might have been near while in CLM HQ.
*grin*
Nice one... now, let's not hear any talk about the results of CLM salvage operations at the time. Move along please.
Nice one... now, let's not hear any talk about the results of CLM salvage operations at the time. Move along please.
/me sings the song over and over again
I cursed loudly as my beer can castle came tumbling down thanks to a slight metallic squeal reverberating through the station, 'dammit leebs, retract the landing gear AFTER exiting the station'. I looked out the window and saw him at the helm of a moth. I waved as I shook my head, thank god he was flying that thing FROM here rather than TOO hear. Then I saw Quirc chasing him and immediatley wondered what the drunken buffoon had done now. I grabbed my comms and raised Quirc, "What the blue blazes is going on?", the reply was quick "He's stolen the tequila". I shook my head and turned off the comms unit, dumb ass, we already gave him all the tequila he wanted AND a place to stay. What could he possibly hope to accomplish by stealing it? I grabbed a six pack and wandered down to the re spawning chamber. He'll be there soon, if I hurry I can chuck bottles at him while he's still strapped to the machinery.