"You are a ghost , an evolutionarily advanced human with enhanced physical and psionic abilities. "

Like big baloon breasts that look like fresh baked muffins, bursting from their cakepan, which encircles your torso like some kinda kinky harness.

http://www.blizzard.com/ghost/

Your spine is also horrifically twisted, and your small intestine has been reduced to the size of a pack of hot dogs, your pelvis permanently bent at a 70 degree angle to vertical, which gives you extraordinary ability to uhm.. yyeah,, like, walk under tripwires or something. Either that or 'look hawt'.

Your face also looks like that of a 12 year old who slept on her hair, and is really angry about it. Fortunately your misshappen arm bones leave your hands hanging down around your knees, which enables you to hold your laser-comb at all angles should you ever need to untangle that unwieldy mop, say, for the junior prom.

You will also be equipped with a futuristic thong,

http://www.blizzard.com/ghost/ScreenShot.aspx?ImageIndex=9&Set=1

that will magically ride up the crack of your ass but will in no way be uncomfortable or limit movement. Chafing will not be a problem due to your duct-o-skin enhanced buttocks.

Now I know what you're thinking. How can you run and dash about without any padding on the places a person actually might fall? One little tumble and the seat of your pants will be ripped open and what a draft on a cold dark space night on a frozen station. And what about a helmet? That little scrunchie is not gonna protect your noggin from a 5 g blow to the back of your head. Worry not.

First of all your misshappen arms, breasts, spine, and so forth, ensure that 75% of your mass is forward of your center of gravity. Your bondage suit uniform will ensure that you fall right on your inflated fake breasts, which will act like shock absorbers.

For the rare occassion in which a force field knocks you butt first down a hallway, your hip pack has 5 spare pare of pants in it, and 5 spare glowing blue thongs as well.

Now you might be wondering, how can you have time to change clothes during a fight? But a girl has got to look her best when defending the universe from the forces of evil. You can't go around looking frumpy like some kinda bull-%#$# with a buzz cut. Nope. Real women heroes from history all had bubble butts and inflatable breast modules, vapid empty stares and blonde wigs. No really, read your history books!

Now the last thing you might wonder about is the shoes. Yes, they are high heels.

http://makeashorterlink.com/?F200231DC

And they really show off your legs! Now some might say they interfere with running and jumping. That they cause bone fractures, tendonitis, ligament damage, etc. But just remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels! So lets hop to it and quit bellyaching about this or that small detail.

----

Anyways, I don't know about y'all, but I can't wait to pretend I am an inflatable sex doll while I walk around murdering... err. sorry.. I mean, 'pre-emptively and regretfully being forced to use force in order to defend myself against those who would harm us and destroy our way of life and our freedoms' people.

http://makeashorterlink.com/?N2FF140DC

What a great game, and how glad I am to see the industry progress to these wonderful new products. I just love seeing what the brilliant creative, imaginative minds at modern game companies come up with. God bless America.

Crap.... *first*

Just kidding, lol its good to see blizzard enter the FPS arena, I do however want to see a Warcraft game in the format of a Morrowind title, single player Xobx 360 of course.

ananzi...

Go play Oni, you get a +/- sensibly dressed and proportioned heroine there. That is, if you haven't played it already.

I find Konoko/Mai to be much more attractive than, say... Croft.

Other than that, hilarious post. I nearly fell off my chair chuckling.

That game's been a LOOOOOOONG time in the making, so long in fact that I predict a Daikatana.

That would go against Blizzard's tradition.

Ah, yes. I remember rumors about this when I was a wee little lad... back when I started playing starcraft in the second millenia.

Very entertaining post. But all those gaming killer babes from Ivy Valentine to this ghost are nothing but pale teen-age copies of the original Aeon Flux.

FPS go against Blizzard's tradition, toshiro. Plus, they have already screwed up with WoW.

Well... from an economic point of view, they did not screw up with WoW, on the contrary. They got a really good game, and everyone plays it. The fact that a few people don't want to play it/can't play it is, I think, a sufferable loss for Blizzard.

And my remark about tradition was in reference to the fact that Blizzard never produced a flop since WarCraft II. At least in my opinion. But that might not have been readily apparent, with you talking about Daikatana. My bad.

The real question here, is will _Ghost_ play Ghost?

And yeah, whazzup with the string thong? Can we say "Market this to the 12-19 year old male demographic"? Geez.

But, funny post, 'nanzi...

Bottom Line:

Starcraft: Ghost = Daikatana II

> The real question here is, will _Ghost_ play Ghost?

Nope.

http://games.slashdot.org/games/06/03/25/2218247.shtml

(A masterful troll, ananzi, my hat goes off to you.)

Hehe. Whaddya know, jex called it last Saturday.

That "muffins" line still makes me laugh, 'nanzi: "Like big balloon breasts that look like fresh baked muffins, bursting from their cakepan, which encircles your torso like some kinda kinky harness."

it is nice to have an audience that appreciates the hours and hours of slaving over a hot keyboard that goes into each and every one of my posts.

So, it took you hours and hours to type that post, the one right before mine?

Next on the topic, World of Starcraft, real is no? You decide.

http://www.gamespot.com/pc/rpg/worldofstarcraft/news.html?sid=6146918

Posted on April 1st, and contains references to "BurgerCraft", a previous April 1st joke.

Is Galaxy613 a twit? You decide.

No, I just forgot to remember not to believe anything posted on the 1st. >.< Hopefully I do better next year.

you would think an uber spy would be like a gymnast, but then again, if you know what the newbs of SC are like, then you wouldn't be surprised. and i guess if you don't know what i'm talking about, i'll explain it.

UMS Maps that involve hearing Kerrigan die over and over.

SC is a great game =D

i still play it :)

I love the custom maps :)