Magus, Niki, silentsuicide and I made this song becuase were bored, and yes it comes from the original Wierd Al's parody of American pie. Enjoy...

----------------------------------------------------
A long long time ago
in a galaxy far away
Serco Prime was under an attack....
And I thought me and Niki
Could talk the INM into
cutting them a little slack....
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They opened their ports and tried to flare us
We escaped from that flare
Then met Furball and Magus
We took a vulture from the scene
And we went to Serco Prime to see the Serco Lady
We all wound up on s13
That's where we found this boy...

Oh my my, this here silent guy
May be silentsuicide someday later - now he's just a small fry
He left his home and kissed his Valky goodbye saying soon I'm gonna be a red guy.
"Soon I'm gonna be a Red Guy"

We caught a ride back to Serco Prime
'Cause Niki wanted to...
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before...
Little silent flew his prom and saved the day....
And in the end some INMs died
Some valks blew up and some buses fried...
The INM was broken
And the Magus I admire most
Met up with a1k0n and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this silent

We started singin'... My my, this here silent guy
May be silentsuicide someday later - now he's just a small fry
He left his home and kissed his Valky goodbye saying soon I'm gonna be a red guy.
"Soon I'm gonna be a Red Guy"

Oh. My. Dear. Jesus.

WHY, oh WHY did you spend so many brain cells to write this? Honestly, you could have been trying to solve the world's problems or something.

-rc

du meine gute...
heh. I want a recording of the three of you singing this!

To the beat of "Baby got Back"

*one Itani to another, talking*
Oh my god
Dude, look at that battery
Its so big
It looks like one of those Serco's Proms
Who understands those Serco?
They only buy Proms because they have 550 energy.
I mean its batt!
It's just so big
I can't believe it's so... full
It's just out there
I mean, it's gross
Look, it's so... Red.

*Serco rapping*
I like big batts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a ship flies by at an itty bitty pace
With a heavy in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up tough
Cuz you notice that batt was stuffed
Deep in the hull it's packin
I'm hooked and my jaw is slackin
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture <f12>
My wingmen tried to warn me
But that batt you got
Made me join your army!
Ooh, Prometheus
You say your might is gonna free us?
Well use me use me cuz you aint that average heavy!

I've seen valks flyin'
The hell with tryin'
Prom's hull is thick, no trick, and it's gonna make the sunflares stick!

I'm tired of the forums
Saying big ships are for chumps
Take the average Serco and ask him that
Its gotta pack much batt

So Brothers (yeah!) Brothers (yeah!)
Has your bomber got the batt (hell yeah!)
Well boost it, boost it, boost it, boost it, boost that heavy batt
Baby got batt!

(NT face with Serco battery)

I do not want a Rag
And when I'm cappin' a flag
I just can't stop myself
I'm actin like a Furie
No need to hurry

I wanna get it home
And CAP!, double up CAP! CAP!
I ain't talkin bout Valk boys
Cuz lightweight hulls were made for toys
I want 'em real thick and Iron
So find that Sector Two
Ku Genin's got the crew
Beggin for a piece of that view
So I'm lookin' at Neut pizzaboys
Knockin these Neutrals walkin like Sercos
You can have them Mauds
I'll keep my ships like iron rods
A word to the thick-hulled Prommies
I wanna great big block
I won't leave ya in dock
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna fly
Til the break of dawn
Serco got it goin on
Alot of valk jocks hate this song
Cuz them punks lie to ram it and jam it
But I'd rather stay and play
Cuz I'm long and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the gatling on!

So rammers (yeah), rammers (yeah)
Do you wanna feel Serco's hammers? (hell yeah)
Then turn around
run away
Even Neutrals got to say
Prom has got batt!

(NT face with the Serco battery)

Yeah baby
When it comes to nations
Itani ain't got nothin on my situation
s1-s4-s7
Only on my way out

So some Neutral brings a Hornet
with a quad-gauss mounted on it
But the Neut ain't got a heavy in the back of her Hornet
My Prom will think you're shifty unless you've got 550
You can do side slides or barrels, but please don't lose that batt.
Some brothers wanna go the fast road
And tell you that the Prom ain't gold
So they sell it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So UncleDave says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that
Cuz your profile's small and your guns are toastin'
And I'm thinkin bout boostin'
To the INM boys in Sector 9
You aint got it this time
Give me a Prom and I can't be calm
I'll turn 'round and drop a bomb
Some knucklehead tried to fight
Cuz his flag was in my sight
He had tachs but he chose to hold 'em
And I pulled up quick to unfold 'em
So Serco if the batt is large
And you wanna see our lady in charge
Dial 1-900-SECTOR-2 and come to join our crew
Baby got batt!

Draco: It's SERCO. Not SECRO! SERCO!

[Draco], you just ripped off one of Weird Al's parodies. :P

Archon, he made a spelling error. It's correct in other parts of the song.

Archon: Happy now....
Zeratul: Yeah, I wrote it above that it was from one of his songs
ctishman: hahahahahah

ctishman: I think that may be a sign if insanity... I love it

/me rents a room at Straitjacket Inn

ctishman: You are my hero. I am in tears at the beauty of your work. I want a recording.

/me claps intensly enough to make a it sound as if there are thousands clapping.

Best.Song.Ever.

Wowww

ctishman is the best at coming up with stuff!

/me beams

I want another one. I re read this several times and still laugh my fat ass off when I read it.

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy livin' in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement in the house half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop.. you know the place. Well, anyway life was going swell and everything was juuuuuust PEACHY! Except of course for the undeniable fact that every single morning, my mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast.

AWWWW BIG BOWL OF SAUERKRAUT!
EVERY SINGLE MORNING!

It was driving me crazy! So I said to my mom, I said, "Hey, Mom! What's up with all the sauerkraut?" And my dear sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train, and she leaned right down next to me, and she said,

"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!!"

And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth and force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was 26 and a half years old. That's when I swore that someday, someday I would get out of that basement and travel to a magical faraway place where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm rootbeer and the towels are oh-so-fluffy! Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukeleles all day long and anyone on the street would gladly shave your back for a nickel!

Wakka wakka doo doo yeah.

Well let me tell you people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true. Because the very next day the local radio station had this contest to see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt. I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize. That's right, a first class one-way ticket to

Aaaaallllllbuquerque!
Aaaaallllllbuquerque!

I had never been on a real airplane before, and I gotta tell you, it was really great. Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor. And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time. And the flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts. And the in-flight movie was Biodome with Pauly Shore. And, oh yeah, three of the engines blew out and we went into a tail-spin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody DIED! Except for me. You know why?

Cause I had my tray table up, and my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up, and my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up, and my seat back in the full upright position
AH HA HA HA..
Ah ha ha
ahh..

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage. I crawled on my hands and knees for three whole days. Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag and my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball and my lucky lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel!

But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holday Inn where the towels are oh-so-fluffy! And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna. It's okay, they're clean!

So I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C and I turned on the Spectrevision and I'm just about to eat that chocolate mint on my pillow that I love so very very much when suddenly there's a knock on the door. <taptaptaptaptaptaptap>

Well now who could that be?
I said who is it?
No answer.
Who IISS it?
There's no answer!
WHO IS IT?!
They're not sayin' anything!
So finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected, it's a big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril. Aw man, I hate it when I'm right.

So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel and I'm like, "Hey, you can't have that! That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!"
And he's like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And he's like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "...kay!"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus and I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows and I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation (yes indeed you better believe it)!

And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook. And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice. And you know what it said? I'll tell you what it said! It said,
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial your operator."
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial your operator."
In Aaaalllllllllllllbuquerque
Aaaalllllllllllllbuquerque

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel. But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest; I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice. But first I decided to buy some donuts.

So I got in my car and I drove on over to the donut shop and I walked on up to the guy behind the counter and he says, "Yeaaahhhh, whatdoyawant?"
I said, "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said, "Naw, we're out of glazed donuts."
I said, "You got any jelly donuts?"
He said, "Naw, we're out of jelly donuts."
I said, "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said, "Naw, we're out of Bavarian cream-filled donuts!"
I said, "Well, you got any cinnamon rolls?"
He said, "Naw, we're out of cinnamon rolls!"
I said, "You got any apple fritters?!"
He said, "Naw, we're out of apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any bear claws?!!"
He said, "Wait a minute.. I'll go check...
"NAW, WE'RE OUT OF BEAR CLAWS!"
I said, "Well in that case.. in that case what DO you have?"
He said, "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels."
I said, "Okay, I'll take that."

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out and immediately latch onto my face and start biting me all over. Arrgngnn ggnnarrrn wgrnnrnnn! Aw man, they were just going nuts! They were tearin' me apart! You know, it was just about that time that a little ditty started going through my head. I believe it went a little something like this:

AAAAAHHHHHH! GET 'EM OFF ME! GET 'EM OFF ME! AHHHHHHH! NO! GET 'EM OFF! GET 'EM OFF! OH OH GOD OH GOD! OH, GET 'EM OFF ME! OH, OH GOD! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin' like a constipated weiner dog.

And as luck would have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams. Her name was Zelda. She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches. I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me. She said, "Hey. You got weasels on your face."

That's when I knew it was true love. We were inseperable after that. Aw, we ate together, bathed together, we even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss. The world was our burrito.

So we got married and we bought us a house and had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly. We were so very, very, very happy. Aw yeah.

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me, she said, "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you want to join the Colombia Record Club?"

I said, "WHOOOA! Hold on now baby, I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!" So we broke up and I never saw her again but that's just the way things go!

In Aaaaaaaallllllllllllbuquerque
Aaaaaaaaaallllllllbuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me because about a week later, I finally achieved my life-long dream: That's right, I got me a part time job at the Sizzler! I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire with my face. Aw yeah, everyone was gettin' pretty jealous of me after that. I was gettin' a lot of attitude!

Okay like one time I was out in the parking lot trying to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil when I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself! So I say to him, I say, "Hey! You want me to help you with that?"

And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and says, "Nooo, I want you to cut of my arms and legs with a chainsaw."

So I did.

And then he gets all indignant on me! He's like, "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!" Well that's just great. How was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud. Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: Torso boy! So what's he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote. This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bite in three days. Well, I knew what he meant, but just to be funny, I took a big bite out his jugular vein! And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over and I'm like, "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?" But he just kept rolling around on the sidewalk bleeding and screaming, "AHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH!" you know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation. Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um. Where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought.

Uh, well, uh ok. Anyway I know it's kind of a roundabout way of saying it, but I guess the whole point I'm trying to make here is

I HATE SAUERKRAUT

That's all I'm really trying to say. And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in an existential quandry, filled with loathing and self-doubt and wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful, meaningless existence, at least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed up universe of ours, there's still a little place called

Albuquerque.

Get back to the mission system

*Cracks whip*

Just kidding. You must be bored. Really bored.

Hmm, that's not Frank Zappa? The weasel part reminds me of that record, "Weasels ripped my flesh", but I never heard it... ;-)

Sounded like the Dead Milkmen to me.

It's Weird Al. Last track on the same album as "The Saga Begins", slightly modified in the first post in this thread. I typed it from memory, and I have no idea why. It was weird.

lmao