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As shitty as shitty days can go

May 11, 2006 mgl_mouser link
As shitty as shitty days can go

Think you've had a bad one lately? Read on and tell me if you can beat that. I swear there's no bull shit in this. If anything, I left out details.

I'm an average-joe citizen. I pay my taxes, obey the law, stand in line on my motorbike instead of cutting in-between lanes (that's not permitted nor tolerated here), dont copy music, movies, software, etc. Not a role model but certainly not white trash either.

So this morning I'm following traffic on my Ninja 636 enjoying the nice breeze with the full-face helmet open. I use the right lane wich is no-parking at that time of day and thus wizz by the cars wich stay center lane because of the occasional parked car (inevitably with a parking ticket. In the process of commuting to work, I pass by a police car (one amongst many others in my usual week) and this one, in the flow of traffic, eventually ends up behind me. No sweat. I'm well within the speed limit, he's just using the same lane as I am. I thought. Two lights down, the driver gets out the patrol car, hand on his in-belt gun and points at my ignition key. He yells (because of engine noise and I'm wearing a helmet) "pull over and take out your key.

Uh. Yeah. Another one of those muffler-conformity checkups. Sports bike are notoriously harassed by the police forces here so... no choice... comply.

"What's up" I ask.

The officer grabs my papers and everything and tells me "You're in violation of driving with a duly paid license"

-What? I reply totally surprised.

I just recently move and I presume the papers were not routed to my new adress. I'm effectively 11 days overdue. Shit. The officer sees my permit has just been updated because of the recent move so he cuts me some slack: "you have until 5pm to pay your plate at wich time I'll check in the system and mail you the fine if it's not paid".

-Sure officer. I'll got at this very moment to do just that. Can you give me the nearest transport minister office?"

He's really cutting me some slack. The ticket is 400$, plus towing plus impound plus 6 points. We shake hand after he directs me to "965 De Maisonneuve". It's close-by to I change direction and go to it immediately.

I get there and the building seems in renovation. Park the bike, put the wheel lock, tunr on alarm system and go for closer inspection. No luck. The office must have moved: the building is stripped clean.

I switch off the alarm system and sit on the bike. Then I start making a few phone calls. I eventually reach the (correct) transport office and they tell me I was given a bad address. It's 850. not 965. Fine. Put on helmet, turn on the bike and dash out my parking spot in a tight left turn. For about 12 inches or so. The bike stops hard, engine stalls and, putting my foot down, try to maintain the bike. no can do. it weights 400 pounds and holding that on one foot by one hand, I can't do that. it crashes. I had forgotten the disk lock.

The damn thing flew to pieces. The bike's left foot peg, despite frame guards, take the hit and snaps in two leaving only half of the gear-shift foot rest. Shiiiite! About 30 tourists waiting for their tour bus right next to me get stunned by the scene and start laughing. Uh-hu. I'm so glad I have a full-face.

I pull the bike up (easy task with 2 hands and 2 feet), get back on it and wait about 2 minutes for engine to vent excess gas. I fire up and leav 2 street down for the transport office.

The lady at the counter tells me "Uh-ho. problem"

-What?

-You're not 11 days overdue. You're ONE YEAR and 11 days overdue!

-?!?!?!?!?!!? my face replies. I'm in shock. But I *paid* via the net my plates last year. how can this be?

-I have no choice but to pull your vehicle off the road.

-?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-I have to mark it as "put away". To put it back on the road, I can (cheching) give you this transit (65$) and you have 48 hours to have the vehicle mechanically-inspected.

At that point panic sets in. I still have the 5pm deadline for the ticket. Where the hell am I going to get an appointment today?! Then I think about the broken foot peg. Shiiiite!!!

I find myself in one of the only 4 certified vehicle inspectors in Montreal, waiting for the probable chance of them having time to inspect MY bike between two other "urgent" jobs. They're ALL urgent I'm told. I bet.

Inspection gets done quickly (cheching: 65$ again) but the bike FAILS INSPECTION! Shiiiite!!!!!!!!! There's the broken foot peg and a whole in the muffler.

Wind back one year.

Kawazaki issued a voluntary recall for the exhaust system on my bike. it consisted of unsoldering a failing bracket and inserting a rubber gasket between the muffler and the bracket. That soldering pin they take out bores a whole in the exhaust. Damnit!

It's now noon. I have to find a garage with Titanium-capable soldering equipment (NOT easy), find foot pegs and gert back to this inspection garage BEFORE 3 PM, hour at wich they exceptionally close (5 hours before normal--just my day). The inspector tells me: "Get the muffer fixed and I'll pass you the foot peg if you order it before me". The peg was not in stock in no location I could think of in Montreal so I order one.

7 garage, metal shops and body shops later, nothing. no one can fix the exhaust. So ... I cheat ... I end up in Canadian Tire (a hardware + car parts store chain in Canada). I buy TWO wrenches, a muffler putty and a set of rags. In the store parking, dissassemble the muffelr, whipe it clean, fill the whole with a huge clump of putty, wipe clear, blow a bit and hope it holds until I reach the inspection. I reassemble everything and get to the shop. The guy OKs thew bike and I'm "free"! only one stop and my license is back in order.

I move back to 850 De Maisonneuve. This is smack downtown. There's a huge number of patrols on the road and I dont find it surprising one is close to me, behind, two cars back. I park at the same spot I was earlier and dash inside for my license. This time it takes only 15 minutes. it's not 2:30PM. i've had a busy day. So I walk casually outside, step on the bike and think "Ok. I can still do 2.5 hours in my day so, I'm here already, I'll go to the office".

Not quite yet.

That police officer that was behind me was checking out my plate again. Transit papers dont show up on their systems and, anyhow, it's in my pocket (rather than taped on the bike--no, I had no tape on me). When they see me dash inside, they think I'm making a run for it because for them, I dont have a plate.

3 police cars corner me 50 meters ahead of where I was parked. They were waiting. Pulled over, I'm in total disbelief of what['s going on again. I'm knee-down, foots crossed, hands behind back being searched for anything illegal. The damn tourists are there again! They take pictures! The very same FRICKIN tourists that laughed at me earlier! And I DONT HAVE MY FULL FACE ON!!!! Shiiiite!

Expect these photos on the net soon.

Then an officer starts yelling at me (the engine is turned off and I dont have an helmet on so he's really pissed) "Do you think we're idiots?! We saw you [expletive deleted]".

-Wh.. wha... what?! "

by now I'm beginning to feel like Mogul except for the hallucinations.

"We know you're bike is put away we've been investigating you and you pull over and make a run for it to escape us!

-Oh no! No no! No no no! it's not like that! Officer, I just paid for them JUST NOW! Looki! New papers! Not folded once yet! Looki!"

I go one 15 minutes detailing my whole day. I laid out all the papers before them. They dont believe me.

"If you're bullshiting me I'm putting you inside! And impounding your vehicle!" one of the officers say.

Then I think about the foot peg. The inspector cut me some loose on the grounds that I ordered the part. but it's not ON the bike yet! if the officer sees that, I'm in it for good! Shiiiitttttttttttttte!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another 15 minutes of explanation. Still on my knees. The tourists are having a field day, but eventually everything is sorted out. They dont double-check the bike inspection report and dont see the broken off foot peg. The officers tell me they had checked the plate moments before they got registered as paid and in-order in the system and wish me a good day.

"Too late for that" is my thoughts. it's 3:30PM. Fuck the office. I wish the officers a good day and... I extend a warm hand for a nice handshake. While still holding the officer's hand, I turn my head and smile at the tourists. Click click!

Damn! What a day.

So I headed back in what was the worse traffic I've experienced in years. It's now 5PM. I'm taking my truck in a few moments to pick up the kids. And I have yet to have breakfast. It's too late to call the transport minister to double-check my truck plates.

I'mm feeling not luck and queazy. Shiiittteeee!!!!

Some of today's paperwork with inspection reports, parts bill, and the torn-up transit (officers made me tore it up when my plate was in order):

http://homepage.mac.com/mouser/shiiiittte/11-05-06_1615.jpg

New disk lock, muffler putty and wrenches (still with packaging tie-wraps on them!):

http://homepage.mac.com/mouser/shiiiittte/11-05-06_1645.jpg
May 11, 2006 mgl_mouser link
I'm home safe. Here I'll details the costs run-down of the day:

65 $ Decommissioning the bike ("put away")
10 $ Transit
65$ First inspection
45$ Hardware store supplies
7 $ Post-repair second inspection
16 $ Conformity sticker charges
320 $ License
130 $ New bike parts

Plus a still-possible 400 $ ticket if the officer didn't get his happy meal and got into a pissy mood by 5PM.

A funny part making this somewhat unbelievable is that in the mail, today, I got papers from the minister of transports to remind me to pay my permit (not the plates) soon. I'm NOT going to do that by the internet. Shiiite!
May 11, 2006 Hoax link
Oh man!

Um ... Hakuna Matata?
May 11, 2006 moldyman link
Ouch. no, I can't say I've had a worse day...
May 11, 2006 mgl_mouser link
Hehe.

I'm still in total disbelief as to what went on today. I'm still frickin surprised I made it though. For a while at noon I was thinking "screw that I'll get a moped".r
May 11, 2006 ghostieboy link
Poor you :(
May 11, 2006 slime73 link
Ow...
May 12, 2006 zamzx zik link
Damn mouser...lemme buy you whateva' you want.

uh, I owe you a favor.
May 12, 2006 Doukutsu link
Ouch man. I guess it could have been much much worse though. Any sympathy that I have as a pirate goes out to yeh.
May 12, 2006 LeberMac link
OMG Mogul, Usually after that first part I'm like "screw this". The D M V in the 'ol USA is universally the most despised institution after the IRS.

My story (which happened a few years ago):

I was pulled over by a WI state trooper on I-94 on my way to work in the AM. Said I was driving with an expired license, which surprised the hell outta me. (To be honest, I was speeding my ass off like usual but slowed down as HE caught up with ME, so he must've been MOVIN, too. He didn't say a damn word about speeding. Hunh.)

So, he made me park my car at the truck weigh station approximately a half mile down the road, because he wouldn't let me drive it anymore. Furthermore, he says he's calling to have my car impounded at the State impound lot, which he tells me is in Madison. (Approximately 120 miles away from this location.) I protest by saying something like "That's incredibly stupid, why not just tow it somewhere nearby?" Then he yelled a lot and made vague official-sounding threats about what would happen to my vehicle in impound and how many points driving without a license is.

At this point I realize he's just being a dick so I stop talking to him, call the wife to have her pick me up and go to work. She was not happy, having just pulled a 3rd shift. She picks me up as the state trooper yells at me "You abandon your vehicle here, it's gonna be impounded!" I wave bye at the trooper, and she takes me to work and then heads back home.

I immediately call up two friends and tell them to meet me for lunch out by the Interstate, kinda near where the weigh station is. One of them even offers to pick me up, eliminating my desire to request a lift.

We have lunch and I tell them the story. The plan is, one of them will drive my car, the other one will drive their car. We make our way to the weigh station and I'm relieved to see my car still there. The smug state trooper waddles out of the weigh station booth, and in a loud voice, says to me "I don't know what you're doin, but your license is suspended! You can-not operate a motor vehicle!"

I ignore him and pass the keys to my third friend, who gets into the driver's seat of my car. I get into the passenger seat. We drive off with my other friend driving in front of us, and I waved to the trooper again. The trooper, obviously annoyed that I escaped his extremely clever trap, slams the door to the weighstation booth as he goes back inside.

As we head down the exit ramp, a tow truck shows up on the entrance ramp and stops by the booth. (Totally not making that part up, either.) I could only assume that that truck had come from Madison to impound my car, but now he was making a trip back empty-handed, at the state's expense.

I laughed my ass off.

Of course I investigated the reasons for my revoked license that night. Turns out, however, that someone up in the Sheboygan County Sheriff's office didn't put me down for the full amount of a speeding ticket that I got up there almost 5 years earlier. (To be honest, it was hard to keep track of my speeding tickets during that "Mitsubishi Eclipse GST" phase of my life.) Apparently I had made out the check for slightly under the amount due, by like $3. They didn't cash it. So the ticket stayed on my record, and apparently some uppity judge with too much time on his hands decided that it was imperative that the state of Wisconsin revoke my license. So I'd been driving with an expired/revoked license for 3 years. I paid the ticket in full plus another reinstatement fee at the DMV two days later. I sent everything FedEx to the Sheboygan folks, they still took three weeks to cash my check. <sigh> Civil Servants.

Moral to both my and Mogul's stories: Government loves to involve itself in your life, and when it does so, it's a pain in the ass to untangle yourself. Not to mention expensive.

So - Vote Republican. Less government = good.
May 12, 2006 Whistler link
Any story where you can work in "Sheboygan" is a good one in my book.
May 21, 2006 Pirate_N00ber link
Both those stories are so damn funny, specially the Tourists laughing their asses off.

Now if it was me, Im Black, they would have had my ass on the ground with handcuffs, taking me to jail no matter what.

Just goes to show you how lame the Government is.
May 22, 2006 ananzi link
heres my question. how do you say 'shitty' in french? merdifique?

May 22, 2006 mgl_mouser link
N00ber, it's sad to say but... perhaps your right. But Montreal had a fairly large (and diverse) black community (mostly haitians and africans of many countries). So, the jail thing might not have been an automatic thing. Unless, of course, you're listening to loud rap music & trailing your mad woman (aka "turn that shit off" and "leave her at home"!!!)

Ananzi, that would be "merdique". You were close.

Edit: to satisfy your curiosity, this thread's title would translate to "Aussi merdique qu'une journŽe merdique peut l'tre". It's quite a literal translation but actually works fine.
May 22, 2006 mgl_mouser link
I've re-read this crazy day of mine.

One of the (many) details I left out was in the second inspection.

When the guy checks the muffler, he said "OK the muffler checks out but you haven't change your rear tire!

- What?? It's not on the list of failed defects! There's two things: the peg wich you told me you'd pass on the condition I fix the muffler wich you just OK-ed!

- Look carefully: it's in the list of found anomalies in the inspection sheet.

(I look, about to loose conscience... and then notice an error in the paperwork)

- Well... er ... yeah, it's in the inspection sheet but not in the failed conditions in the report!

(He looks)

- Oh. Yeah. My mistake. OK. Go now!

That was another scar on my hearth.
May 23, 2006 ghostieboy link
Poor mouser