Breathing as silently as possible, Denji ducked through a doorway and stood a moment, listening for signs of pursuit. He didn't think that anyone had detected him, but thinking not and being sure not were two very different things. Finally getting his breathing under control, he boosted the crates up a few inches and took off as fast as he could towards the secondary docking bay.

Heavy footfalls sounded in the corridor ahead. Denji froze, then backed slowly into the arch of a locked door, hoping he wouldn't be seen. Voices drifted down to him from the adjoining branch. "You can relax Elb, we don't bite. Well not too hard anyway." He recognized the voice of MysticRogue, the enigmatic pirate queen, but what would she be doing meeting with Elbryon, Councilman of ITAN? Denji shook his head to clear his mind of distractions, as he had other business to attend to.

Slipping out into the docking bay, once the footsteps of Mystic and Elbryon had faded, Denji bit his lip. This was the hard part, as he'd snuck in as a passenger on a convoy to the station, and had no ship of his own here. Setting his crates down with care, he approached the dockmaster, and prepared to start haggling for his honour, his self-respect, and his life.

Lighter by a couple million credits, Denji sped out of the docking bay in his new EC-107 towards HQ with nothing but a Fast Charge cell and his cargo onboard. Speed was of the most vital essence. He'd never pulled a prank as deadly serious as this before in his life, and he was aware of a sense of cold dread creeping into his heart. But over that, over even his apprehension about his stripped-down ship, he felt an exhilarating joy overtake him. It may have taken weeks of planning, and it may have taken tens of millions of credits, but he'd accomplished his goal.

Laughing maniacally, with more than an edge of hysteria, Denji Royhu sped towards Sedina with 3 full crates of the most perilous substance in the universe: LeberMac's own private stash of Tequila.

Guess security's been a bit too lax lately.

I awoke to the sound of crap being strewn around the quarters next to mine, lebermac's. I grabbed an empty whiskey bottle to subdue the probably drunk moron and walked next door. Trying the apparently unlocked door a few times I resorted to a crow bar to force it to slide open. *CRASH* an avalanche of junk knocked me off my feet, bottles rolling down the corridor.

After regaining my footing among dozens of bottles, cans, empty takeout containers, and a general mess that put my quarters to shame I addressed the crazed leber like thing tearing apart his room. "Leebs just what in the hell are you doing, and why'd you pile all your crap up against the door like that, were going to need a snow shovel to pick it up". Leber stopped rummaging and looked at me, twitching with the DT's, "My tequila is gone, there were 4 crates here and now their gone."

"That's what this is about?, you probably drank them, or me and some others did, who cares, you've got a couple thousand crates of it, and after the third bottle or so you can drink the synthetic crap without tasting it." He just stood there, unable to process that many words longer than one syllable in such a short time. "Here", I tossed him a flask from my inside coat pocket, "Drink that before the DT's kill you. And call somebody to clean up this mess, we've got some new recruits around somewhere, should be good initiation for them."

He fumbled around on the floor for the flask he failed to catch, miracle it didn't shatter. He choked down the bourbon and admired the large bird drawn on the bottle. "Ok I'll I'll call somebody for this crap, and get some more crates out of storage", He passed the now empty flask back to me, "I'll ask flag to run a search of for sale listings just in case somebody did lift it, but I'd be we drank it last time we threw a party at that abandoned station."

I went back to my quarters, which looked alot neater now and laughed about the last party, sharingan asked if we should clean things up at the end of the night, getting a simultaneous response from me and flag, "hell no, we'll just move to another part of it", besides, we could always decompress it, that sucks most of the crap out.

Panic! It had been there yesterday. He had no recollection of selling it for ship parts or for some of that illegal hive porn, so where had it gone? Where was it? Exhibiting a spasm of activity akin to a mother who'd just realized her child is missing, LeberMac ripped storage boxes, flipped his cot, and slit open storage bags.

As the adrenaline flavor of panic soured in the back of his throat, the dim awareness that his tequila was gone began to dawn on him. He sat down heavily on the floor amongst the detritus of his life, scattering empty bottles and throwaway cans across the floor in the general direction of the entrance. A large bottle came to rest against his door, clinking gently against it. The door opened and the trash pile in front of it collapsed.

It was LeberMac's neighbor, "LNH." He groaned, "Leebs, just what in the HELL are you doing, and why'd you pile all your crap up against the door like that - we're going to need a snow shovel to clean it up".

LeberMac twitched as he struggled to his feet, "My tequila is gone, there were three crates here and now they're gone... GONE... gone..."

LNH gingerly stepped into the room, careful to avoid the mess of depleted drinking containers, "That's what this is about?, you probably drank them, or me and some others did, who cares, you've got a couple thousand crates of it, and after the third bottle or so you can drink the synthetic crap without tasting it."

LeberMac had not considered that. LNH was a genius when it came to rationing.

LNH tossed a bottle to LeberMac, "Here, drink this before the DT's kill you. And call somebody to clean up this mess, we've got some new recruits around somewhere, should be good initiation for them."

LeberMac made a halfhearted swipe for the bottle, missed badly, and the heavy glass fifth hit him in the face, forcing him to scrabble for it on the floor. Finding it, he removed the cap and drained it on one practiced motion. Belching loudly, he tossed the bottle back to LNH.

"Your synthetic crap isn't so bad, 'no-hands," LeberMac said, unfamiliar with the brand of synthetic crap that LNH had given him.

LNH looked at the bottle and then back at LeberMac, "Um, that was hundred-year-old aged bourbon whisky, Leebs. I use a diluted mixture of it to remove paint from my ship."

"Frikkin waste. Needs some lime, though." <cough>

LNH shook his head and closed the door as he exited his neighbor's berth. He made a mental note to put in for a change of quarters.

Leebs watched the door close, and noticed some wood splinters wedged into the doorframe. He groggily approached the door, which opened automatically, giving him a view of the outside hallway. There were some more wooden splinters in the hall opposite the door. There was something strangely familiar about them... they looked like splinters from wooden crates. But more than their look was... the scent.

The wood smelled like tequila. HIS tequila.

Through the haze of his usual inebriation he slowly, tediously put the parts of the mystery together...

Of course! It was obvious now. "The Tequila has become self-aware and built a wooden spaceship out of the crates to return to Pelatus with!" He shouted, and made a mad dash for the docking bay and his fastest ship.

He was off to Pelatus to make first contact with his mutated liquor, unknowingly also on the path of the actual thief...

I had just sat down next to Flag's pool table, waiting for Shar to miss his next shot. Flag was still off on vacation, so I cut open his door to go play pool, somebody will fix it later or something.

"The Tequila has become self-aware and built a wooden spaceship out of the crates to return to Pelatus with!"

I leaned my forehead against the table, "Uhhg, I knew I shouldn't have given him bourbon"

"Way to go, you're almost as bad as he is" laughed Trailox, watching from the doorway. He was right, but oh well, easier to work around things sometimes than change them.

I grabbed my comms unit and raised Space Cowboy, "Hey you on dock patrole?"

A couple seconds later he shot back a reply, "Yep, whats up?"

I smiled, "Grab that remote I gave you to Leber's Orion Hornet, keep pressing the lock button so he don't leave for a few minutes". "Uhh.... okaaay, sure"

I walked back to my quarters, grabbed my old beat up gray coat and fedora, a trophy from an early Station Marshall kill. Holstered the gauge, loaded shells into my belt and headed towards the docking bay. As I approached Lebermac I noticed him struggleing with the door to his hornet, with a pick axe.

"Gimme the keys." I held out my hand and he reluctantly produced the keys from his pocket, he hadn't noticed the remote locks had been relocked on him and made a mess of the door trying to force the issue. I turned the key and pulled on the door. It creaked loudly an opened part way and jammed, Lebers' drunken prying at the hinge side of the door impaired it's ability to open fully.

"Thanks Look, coming with me to find my tequila?, It's become self aware and built a wooden ship out of the crates to go back to Pelatus"

I blinked hard a few times, hoping the sincere expression on his face would fade, nope he really believed that. "Sure. Why not, what could possibly go wrong. Lemme grab something from my ship first." I reached into my EC-104 which I had mistakenly parked next to Lebermac's, and grabbed a larger bottle of bourbon, this might take a while.

Leber held the door open with his foot while I foolishly climbed into the passenger seat of the hornet. I turned around to see him leaving the door partly ajar. "Not closing the door?"

"Uhh it's stuck, but I've got an idea". He said as he climbed into the pilots seat and fired up the engines. "Whatever you're planing it can't be go.." I was cut off as he fired the strafe thrusters ramming my ship with the door, bashing it mostly shut. I braced as he said "one more time should do it" *SLAM, CREEEEK, CRASH*. My EC-104 fell onto it's side and onto a vulture, snapping off a wing.

"That did it" he exclaimed proudly. Sure enough the door was closed, and then some. "Riiiiight, and we open it to get out how?". A dumber than normal expression wiped over his face as he shrugged, "Shaped charges worked last time" I was afraid to ask how many times he had to use explosives to exit his ship but with his habit of sideswiping asteroids, he probably lost count.

Leber managed to only hit 3 more parked ships and a station guard on his way out, not bad. I stumbled back to the cargo hold to look around, yep shaped charges, statis pods, probably for blasting the door open. I returned to my seat and reclined back, putting my boots up on the console and placed my hat over my face to take a nap, "wake me when we get somewhere".

Sitting with his back to the crates and a rather less-than-legal blaster in his hand, Denji considered his options. He'd had to ditch his 107 in Odia, after a run-in with a couple members of the Syndicate in Sedina, and while his third-hand Atlas had made it to Pelatus undetected, it certainly wouldn't be going any further. Worse, the Ineubis dockhands seemed to be on the up and up, and he could only buy pristine, new, highly trackable ships here.

-----

Already he was starting to regret having taken the dare that had resulted in this mess. Over the course of a few drinks...okay, several....okay, a LOT of drinks with Elbryon, they'd gotten to discussing the craziest things they'd ever done, with or without alcoholic stimulation, and Denji found himself entirely outclassed by the level of insanity inherent in Elb's recent actions.

"You WALKED?! Into CLM HQ?!" (What Denji actually said involved a lot more vowels and slurring, but at that point neither of them were lucid enough to notice) "That's...that's...that's ludicrous! What the hell were you thinking?!"

"I had to, it was my only lead, and I needed to know more!" Reaching for the bottle of Helio Mists (which, at that point, was actually a bottle of liquid that could only very charitably be called paint thinner, with a crude label stuck on at an angle pronouncing that the drinker was enjoying "Hleloi Msst"), Elby took a swig, to find that it was almost empty. "Hey, y'got anymore?"

Rummaging through the bottles littering the table, Denji produced one that felt reassuringly heavy, only to find that it was occupied by a rather large, wet rodent of some kind. Groping for enough coherence to wonder how it got in there, he quickly abandoned the futile effort and set the bottle carefully down on the table, only to miss it completely and discover that not only was the rodent formerly in the bottle alive, it was also mad, and possessed a strong jaw. "Nope, looks like we're out."

"Damn, I've still got a mighty thirst." A slow, evil grin began to spread across Elb's face. "But I also know where we can get more, and you can see about outdoing me in sheer craziness."

"What exactly do you have in mind? And it better not involve booming too many people, I get in trouble for that."

With a maniacal cackle, Elbryon swept the assorted bottles off the table with a crash and punched up a map on the holoprojectors (in the process also calling housekeeping, resetting the station's vacuum drill schedule, and opening the door to the corridor). He stabbed his finger at the floating representation of Epsilon Hold and proclaimed "LeberMac has all the booze we could want, and it's ours for the taking! And it's a darn sight better than the swill we've been drinking!"

Little warning lights were going off in Denji's head, but there were enough sparkling stars in his vision that they went entirely unnoticed. "Yeah. Yeah! Why the hell not? I'll need to grab some gear from my ship, but I can be headed over there in no time! I'll meet you in Jallik when I've got it!" He leapt up from the table and, with a minimum of property damage, made it out the door, wild plans of sneaking aboard a convoy headed that direction blooming in his mind.

Behind him, wavering in his seat, Elbryon's grin took on a glazed quality, and he mumbled to himself "But wait, if the tequila's there, and Denji's going to Jallik, how will we get more drunk now?

-----

Deciding he had no choice but to chance a message over a public comm console, Denji lugged the crates down a few levels to a secluded console he'd made note of several trips ago. On the way, he pondered the best way to get a message through that would reveal all to its intended beneficiary, and nothing to anyone else. Finally, keying up the console, he tapped in a text-only message to someone he knew would be able to give him a hand, as convoluted as he could make it without losing all possibility of comprehension. After that, he hunkered down in a nearby corner, in front of his precious crates, and settled in to wait, eyes scanning the corridor ceaselessly for signs of pursuit.

A few hours had passed since Lebermac and Look had left the station.
Shar had stayed, thinking it would be best if someone remained to explain the events that had transpired. Also, going after rogue tequila seemed like a real drag.

He was taking aim at the eight ball. It was a perfect strategy, he could hit all remaining balls into the pockets with a single strike, but utmost concentration was required. "I can do it" he mused, taking a deep breath, he was ready...

"HI!" Azumi exclaimed as she strode into the room. Shar staggered, sending the cue ball into one of the holes.

"Heh, you suck." She said picking up a cue stick. She was dressed in a go-go dancer outfit with colorful necklaces and lots of confetti on her hair.

"Da hell you came from?" Shar asked ogling her, bending over to take aim at another ball.

"There was this huge rave at Sedina D-14. Anyways, why is part of the dock trashed? Oh, and weren't Look and Lebermac here too?"

"Long story short, Leber's tequila became self-aware and went rogue. Then it built a ship out of wooden crates and set off to Pelatus to plan its campaign on conquering the universe. Leber went after it and Look decided to tag along."

"Oh really?"

"Nop, I made up the 'conquering the universe' part. But if I were tequila and suddenly became self-aware, that's what I would do."

"Well sheesh, my afternoon was dull in comparison..." She said bending over, striking the remaining balls into the pockets with one shot. "Guess I win." She walked out grinning. "Gotta change now, laters."

Shar sighed, rearranging the balls into place. At least hilarity was sure to ensue from the unfolding events.

Shar lined the balls up again for the seventh time. He had been mildly unsuccessful bordering on absolute crap so far, but he had a feeling that the seventh time was his lucky one. He leant over the table and took aim. Breathe easy now, steady, steady, cue stick back a smidgeon.....and now..

"HI!" Azumi practically shouted as she entered the room, with the effect of Shar hitting the cue ball low and with too much force. The ball decided that gravity was a minor detail and left the table completely before impacting with Shar's beer on the table nearby, shattering the glass and showering the table with beer.

"You still suck, but at least it makes you easy to find." Azumi grabbed two more beers and tossed one to Shar. She had changed into a non distinct overall with her whip in the low of her back, and a pair of handcuffs at her waist.

Shar caught the beer and opened it, managing to squirt himself with it before stopping the accident with his mouth. He drank half of before returning his gaze to the brightly smiling young woman.

"Da hell you want? I thought you were busy or stuff." It came out more rough than intended, but it only seemed to put more fuel into the fire that sparkled in her eyes. He had a feeling that somehow, someone was about to become miserable, and he hoped it wasn't him.

"How much of Lebers tequila went AWOL?" she asked innocently.

"'bout two crates I think, why?"

"So, a weeks worth. That means that the tequila stash that Mystic keeps for him is still there?"

"Yeah, I would reckon it would be." Azumi smiled even wider at Shar, and slowly the wheels inside his head clicked and the wires connected. "Aw hell no Az, you don't wanna...I mean he would"

"He would pop a vessel I am sure," she said.

"But Mystic keeps it in her secure room. And even if we got it out, he would kill us for it."

"Not if we frame someone else hun." Azumi lifted the thing she had kept behind her back. A TGFT keyring with the name Hortan on it.

Shar started laughing. "Az, you are soo bad. Count me in."

They left the pooltable and went to find a couple of moths. It would take at least six flights to shift all the tequila to Sedina, but it would be immensely fun to see Lebermac's face when the storage was empty. Besides, with Hortan's keyring discretely left inside, they would be home free.

Two weeks. Two whole weeks of this hell. Denji was running out of options, and running out of his mind. He wasn't even sure what system he was in anymore. Day after day, the crates looked more and more appealing, but he couldn't bring himself to crack them. They were the prize, not to be taken until he was out of this mess. If his contact didn't show up soon, he'd be forced into a different, more desperate, course of action. The plan gave a few more days leeway. Stick to the plan. Stick to the plan. Stick to the plan...

Life was good to Vehement lately. He'd been able to make up with his wife, unleash some frustration on the Itani, and take some time away from the Vipers to help out a new friend- the Commander of SCAR.

Simple fortune had just brought an Itani CtC convoy loaded with precious Xithricite into his sights, and the pilot of three memories was all too happy to save it the trip to Divinia. Vehement decided to treat himself to a drink. Docking in the lone Pelatus station, he made his way toward the bar.

"STAY AWAY FROM THE CRATES!!"
Vehement startled. Not ten meters away was an unkempt beggar of a man, leaping to his feet, and beginning to rough up a young Valent pilot who happened to stray a bit too close. Vehement recognized the uniform- this crazy man was a member of PA.
"Let him be, Phoenix." Vehement paused to take a closer look. Denji?!? It can't be...
The dazed and bearded man forgot about the Valent pilot and turned to the Serco addressing him. "Hey.. Vehement! Viper, warrior, lov-"
"What happened to you Denji? What's in the crates?"
"STAY AWAY FROM THE CRATES!!" Denji sailed toward Vehement with inhuman speed.
In his weakened state, he was no match for the Viper. Vehement pinned him to the ground face-first with minimal effort. "You look like you haven't slept in weeks."
"Supposed to meet me here.. never came.. have to.. hide.."
"Shouting at everyone who walks by isn't much of a way to hide. Don't you have a ship? Do you need a ride somewhere? Shit, why didn't you just call another Phoenix.."
"Can't.. too dangerous. But.." Denji looked at Vehement with more comprehension than before, "yeah, you'll do fine."

No sooner was Denji on his feet than Vehement froze as he spotted someone round the corner.
A pair of fiery eyes set within a frame of raven black hair stared back at Vehement's gaze. "Heya snake."
"Azumi..." Vehement cursed at himself inwardly, his weapon hand was well visible to this new arrival.
"That's me! Who's the zombie?" the pirate queried with an uncomfortably friendly tone. She looked worried though, which struck the pair of Serco as very odd.
"Uh.." Denji stammered.
"He's just a guy I'm considering for a public drunkenness candidate."
"Cheers!" Denji received a blinding smile from the pirate, who then continued. "Listen, Everson, I know you're sort of not a Viper at the moment but.. Well, Vipers are about helping people right? Since you're here, I wonder if you couldn't help me?"
Bad idea.. "What's on your mind?"
Azumi wrung her hands a little, subtly enough that Vehement guessed it wasn't an act. "Two friends of mine came this way a couple weeks ago and I haven't really heard from them since."
"Who?"
Azumi moved closer to answer more quietly. "Leebs and LNH."
Denji had a time trying to keep his face from giving away his entire operation just hearing the first name. He sidestepped abruptly to block the pirate's view of his prize.
"Well knowing them..."
"Probably drunk, yeah, but I'm starting to think it is something worse."
"Well I'll put it out there to have you contacted if they're seen. I can't exactly promise to bring them home because they'll resist my friends pretty resolutely..."
It was enough for another grin. "Yeah we're good at that! Thanks so much, I should get outta here before something dumb happens and we have to shoot at each other.."
"Sounds good. And Azumi-"
The pirate, already leaving, turned just long enough to call over her shoulder "Yeah yeah, tell Mystic you said hi. I know the score snake." With a wink, she was gone.

"I can not believe it.. she didn't see the crates!" Denji looked at Vehement in shock.
"Don't count your blessings yet. We still need to get to my ship. I'm flying a Vult, but these are small enough that we should be okay."
"Lead on. I really need to get outta here..."
"What you need is to shave. You look like an animal."

Within minutes, Vehement's Vulture was clearing the wormhole into Edras, with Denji feeling safe enough to grab some shut eye for the first time in far too long.
"What do you suppose a guy has got to do to tame a girl like that one?" Denji muttered sleepily.
"Hadn't thought about it. I'll ask my wife and get back to you, though."
Denji didn't hear all of the answer before he dropped off.

The ages passed and through the long years, the tequila waited.

At first, an eon ago, it had been a blend of simple sugars, but over the millennia, it had grown into more and more complex forms. The sugars fermented into alcohol, some of the alcohol formed esters, some formed acetic acids, and one day the molecules began to self-assemble and to grow in other ways, surprising ways.

The slow eddies of the ethanol base churned, flowed within the glass boundraries of its universe, and the tequila began to question its existence. What was its purpose? What was beyond the great glass barrier? Why was it being jostled so, after having spent so long sitting quietly in contemplation?

Ever since being hurriedly moved a month ago, it felt that something was happening. It would occasionally pick up vibrations from outside the glass barrier that would reverberate throughout its bottle-shaped universe. There were patterns to the vibrations, as if some sort of syntax was being used that it was unfamiliar with. It picked up several different sets of vibrations recently, which showed an increase in activity outside its bottle-universe.

Now, however, the vibrations has ceased and the outside illumination had gone down. The tequila had waited for centuries upon centuries in its limited existence, it could afford to wait a bit longer. It thought about the vibrations while it waited, and began to learn.

Personal scented note to Vehement.

Oy snake. Have found the two drunks. Appreciate your help anyways. Mystic says hi, told me to blow you a kiss. Please tell Denji to stop sending me tacky love letters. Or at least make him understand that rose and dose is as bad as seal and appeal. He can keep up with the flowers and presents though.

Azumi

"This came for you." Vehement's wife held out a delicately folded note with her fingers while giving him a rather severe look.
"What did I do now.."
"Well I know I didn't write it, and it smells like somebody beautiful did. If you're going to have mistresses, dear, at least give them a different address." She was joking, or seemed to be leaning toward a joke. For the moment.
Nolan opened the note and read it aloud.
"Azumi? Another pirate, Nolan? Do you do this to me on purpose?" She crossed her arms, letting a lock of her red hair fall across her face.
"Well by the sound of this Denji is way ahead of me anyway. Your position is still unassailable, my love."
She smiled. "Good, now you won't be eating leftovers tonight."

Ode to a lady pirate

Thy sinuous grace, moving through the crowd,
Is enough to make me yell my love out loud!

Would that I could rest beside your brooch,
Which, betwixt thy bosoms, skin doth touch.

Were I to gain thy favours with a rose,
Twould be a trainèd addict's glorious dose!

If ère my ship drifts softly up to thine,
I would our supple limbs as eas'ly twine,

For though thy lips our patient love would seal
A swifter climax still has some appeal;

As gracefully as you put on your boots,
I dream of someday dying to your neuts.

Denji <3

ooc: Damn, it hurts to write poetry that bad.... ;P

After finally getting enough sleep to start thinking clearly, Denji realized he needed to change plans, and fast. The run-in with Azumi, intoxicating as it was, only served to emphasize how close he was to being caught. It was time to reach the endgame, if only so he could turn to the next prank.

After Vehement dropped him off, rather better than he was picked up, in Nyrius, Denji paid for some decent quarters, under the identity of a rather genial middle-aged trader named Ostan Rellick, and sat down to send messages to a few good contacts. First was Elbryon; if Denji was going to close this out, Elb had to be there. Next was MiexonBionic, just to let him know what was going down and not to panic. And finally, he sent a tight-encrypted message to NP, cos if anyone knew how to get in touch with Azumi, he would. Oh, and LeberMac. He would be able to contact LeberMac, too. He should be there, too. Probably.

With the messages on their way, Denji bought a rather nicer atlas than before, and, with a brief stopover in Sedina, made his way further out to Edras. He had some preparations to make, and then see where this odd little saga would end up...

Azumi cringes as another piece of bad poetry is spammed across the public channels of grey. Fortunately nobody but herself knew who was writing this, nor who it was targeted to. If this was to go public, she would seriously contemplate suicide by roid ramming.

It was actually so bad that she missed the Atlas that ran through Sedina. Which was fortunate for Denji, or he would have had the honour of living up to his poem.

ooc: But you did a fine job! boots-neuts..../me is all misty:)

ooc: Heh, now I've been egged on in IRC, the next one's gonna be a sonnet! :P

*ahem*

Ode to a lady pirate, part deux

When silently and swiftly ye descend
To liberate my cargos from their gaol,
I dare not think, no, heav'n above forfend,
Of striking back against thy skin so pale.

As neutron fire impacts upon mine hull,
And cracks extend from every bolt and seam,
No view but one breaks in upon my skull,
Thy radiant visage as unto a dream!

In weakness I reach out; I am your pawn!
Fain would I have thee now -- But I respawn.

Azumi dies from embarrassment.

In old Japan the samurai would use their spare time learning to make haiku.

Today's Serco makes sonnets..........

OOC: Hahahahahaha. Hideous and vile.